I wrote the release and my publishing company is using it for publicity. I wanted to share it with all of you in case you know a motherless daughter that might find these tips helpful! Enjoy!
For Immediate Release
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or an interview with Heather Hogan,
please contact Heather Hogan @
Mother’s Day, Joy for most, and for some: Motherless Daughter’s, the group most forgotten on this Hallmark Holiday, a day to reflect on the most important person they have lost!
Mother’s Day is a time to cherish the woman whom shaped your life, gave you unconditional love, your first band-aid, administered hugs, love, kisses, advice, taught you all you know in life that created compassion, empathy, humility in your character and an ability to put your self in other people’s shoes. She taught you to step up to the plate to help others in need and those less fortunate than yourself.
San Francisco, CA (2010) Mother’s Day is approaching, all the magazines are running article on stars and their mother’s. Accompanying the article is a wonderful picture of Will Smith or Heidi Klum cheek to cheek with their mother with smiles so bright you want to run out and buy crest whitening strips without your $10 off coupon hoping you can maybe look half as happy and bright on Mother’s Day. Friends are making reservations for brunch at the Ritz Carlton, but motherless daughters are hoping it won’t rain for their annual trip down to the cemetery. Or that another woman at the flower department at their local grocery store doesn’t ask about the bouquet they are buying to lay on their mother’s grave. Some are putting together brunch at their house for the whole family to come over and celebrate the woman whom gave life and love to all the siblings whom then gave their own children breathe and life to live amongst the other humans parading around on this earth.
But what if your mother’s death ripped your family apart? What if there is no celebration of your mother’s life and only anger, animosity and a family that is treading water and about to drown with the death of their matriarch? Or sadness is all you can muster on Mother’s Day. It is enough to throw you into a locked bedroom with the shades pulled and a pillow over your head with a towel below your chin to catch the tears that will turn into a river while you lay there and mourn the loss of your mother and the day that all other women you know are celebrating with the woman they could not imagine spending a moment without!
Heather Hogan speaks from experience. In 1972 Heather lost her mother in a tragic car accident. Heather was three years old, her brother was eight months old, and her sister was seven. Her book, Can There Be More?, tells the story of how Heather’s mother’s death affected an entire family and destroyed each of them day after day in their own way. She talks openly and honestly in depth of her experiences growing up as a motherless daughter. She gives valuable advice that will give readers the tools they need to come to grips and acceptance of their mother’s death and how to become a fulfilled, happy, compassionate, and grateful woman living without a mother’s love, advice and constant presence. Heather, through her own experiences and meeting other motherless daughters now celebrates her mother’s life and the holiday that for years and years and years she dreaded, Mother’s Day!
As this special day approaches, you or someone you know might be having a tough time trying to get through the day. Maybe someone you know recently lost a mother, or it has been a long time but they still don’t know how to celebrate the day. We need to lend support to motherless daughter’s everywhere to get through this difficult day and turn sadness into happiness and tears of sorrow into tears of joy! Read on for five rituals that can help any motherless daughter out there look forward to Mother’s Day again, to celebrate the woman who gave them everything!
Meet At The Cemetery With A Basket Filled With Love. I know of a family that consists of six sisters whom lost their beloved matriarch ten years ago. The first few Mother’s Days without her were horribly sad and depressing. They decided no more! They now meet at the cemetery every Mother’s Day filled with love, joy and gratitude for the woman who raised them. One sister brings coffee, one a cake, and one brings a wonderful bottle of wine to share. They sit around telling their favorite stories about their mother to keep her spirit alive in their minds and their lives. The sister’s children attend and listen to stories of the grandmother that they didn’t know or didn’t know well. When they have had laughter and a few tears of gratitude for the years they had with her one of the sister’s husbands sings a beautiful song dedicated to their mother. After the beautiful song has ended the sister’s join in and simultaneously say one Hail Mary and one Our Father; that is what their mother would have wanted them to do.
After their dedication to their mother’s life ends at the ceremony they head to the same restaurant every year and have a wonderful Mother’s Day lunch. Every year they order their mother’s favorite meal as if she is sitting there right next to them! Their father is draped in his daughter’s love, with his grandchildren around him, and the memory of his deceased wife alive and kicking!
Remember: even if you can’t wrap a gift to give your mother you can dedicate one to her. If your mother is not buried at a cemetery and her ashes have already been spread or you just don’t want to head to the cemetery on this day plant a tree in her honor. Plant the tree in a place that you can watch it grow and think about her every time you look at it. The roots of the tree, much like the roots she planted in you, will grow in the soil of the earth and firmly plant themselves in a place where you can admire the tree for years and years to come. If you could plant the tree in your own yard, every Mother’s Day you could add beauty to the tree with a perennial plant or flower.
If you don’t have room for a tree start a garden in your Mother’s memory. It could be a flower garden or a vegetable garden. That garden could become a place that is just for you and your mother!
Spread her ashes with love. Maybe you have been holding on to your mother’s ashes. You haven’t been ready to let go yet. Your mother could have just passed or she could have died a long time ago, but you haven’t felt ready to release her to the wind. Mother’s Day is a glorious time to take her ashes to that special place where she would want to be laid to rest forever and spread them with love.
Before you release her ashes to the ocean, mountain, prairie, or backyard remember her in love. Cherish the memories and who she was to you. Then spread her remains in love, glory and gratitude for the time you were given with this wonderful woman. Every Mother’s Day go to where you laid her remains to rest and have a ceremony in her honor. Go alone or bring loved ones, but rejoice in the love she gave you for the years you had her!
Donate your time and love on Mother’s Day to those whom also don’t have a mother. Sure, you are sad that your mother isn’t around for you to give a hug, card and present, but step out of your sad zone for a moment and think of others whom are also motherless but less fortunate than you. Donate your time on this special day to children in orphanages or foster care that are desperately missing their mother. Imagine their abandonment issues and how lonely they are. For, they might not only be motherless but fatherless too.
On that day maybe you can teach these children a craft, plant a flower with them in a pot you bring filled with soil and teach these children how to water and care for the flower. This one flower can bring them joy every day even after you leave. Share stories of your mother and let them know how much you miss her but they like you can find joy in life without a mother. Show these children that compassion and empathy is a gift that they can receive from another human other than a mother. Who knows the gift you might receive from a relationship that can be formed in your mother’s honor on Mother’s Day!
Did your mother die from a type of cancer or killed by a drunk driver? Maybe you can’t let go of the fact that your mother’s death was tragic and could have been prevented. Maybe research dollars are needed to find a cure for a cancer. Donate your time, money and energy on Mother’s Day to MADD or the Breast Cancer Association. You could start your own walk for your mother on that day. Get friends, family and colleagues to donate money to the cause that could help future families not lose their mother before they are ready to let go.
Maybe they donate a certain amount for every mile you and your family walk on Mother’s Day. While walking, find joy in nature around you, your children that are beside you learning great lessons on how they can help change the future and finally, smile, knowing your mother is walking right beside you cheering you on!
I promise you if you do this you will look forward to Mother’s Day year after year!
At some point during the day sit back and close your eyes and remember the lunches you shared, the coffee you drank, the hugs that brought you warmth, her smile that brightened your day, and the mother she was!
The following quotes are from Heather Hogan’s book, Can There Be More?, relating to being a motherless daughter.
“My sister tells me that her devastation about my mother’s death was such a horrible and inconsolable feeling that it was very hard for her to sleep at night. Kelly and I slept in the same bed. My sister would tell me before I would fall asleep that mommy would come home. I would fall asleep, yet I have no idea what I was thinking, or even if I believed her. I am quite sure that after two years of this, I gave up hope; but my poor devastated sister would look into the doorway well into the night, hoping that mother would walk through that door to tuck us in and give us a kiss.”
“I knew that the one person who loved me unconditionally was dead, and that is hard for a fourteen year old to fathom.”
“I had lost so much the day my mother died. Not just a mother, but I lost my father that tragic day, my siblings, and essentially my extended family for a long period of time.”
“This is when my panic attacks and anxiety really started. I did not want my daughter to suffer the same fate I did. I was scared she would end up a motherless daughter like I did. That thought was too much for me to bear, it debilitated me. I became so afraid to leave my daughter she did not have a babysitter until she was five. I brought Kenzie every where with me. I was convinced if I didn’t die she would. I had never been happy or really felt loved and didn’t think it was my destiny to experience either. In my warped thoughts, I felt if she was with me, neither one of us would die. I felt either I would lose Kenzie and suffer the rest of my life, because that was my destiny, or my daughter would lose me and end up a motherless daughter also.”
“Sometimes I believe that my mother’s death at the age of twenty-six saved her from the jealous eye of Sally Smith down the road, or the marriage that is cracking under pressure in a world that everything is supposed to be hunky dory. I sound jaded at times, but truly I am not. I love my life now, and have learned how to really just be in the moment and happy with what I have.”
“I have always thought I don’t even know what my mother’s voice sounded like. I was going to make sure my children remembered my voice. It was a very lonely feeling to have never been told I was loved by a parent. I don’t remember my mother ever saying I love you and my father never told me he loved me until I was in my thirties. I knew if I was going to die I had accomplished the love factor. I stop daily and look my children in the eye and say I love you, and don’t ever forget it.”
“I have always wondered if my mother begged God to let her go back down to earth and raise her children. I have also thought about what her last thoughts must have been. I don’t even think she was conscious, maybe she never saw the car coming and didn’t realize she was about to die. I like to think for her sake she was just driving along thinking happy thoughts and the next thing she knew she was in a peaceful place. I hope she didn’t have pain at the thought of never seeing us again. This has bothered me for a long time.”
“It took me a long time, but I think that I am finally the person my mother would have been proud of!”
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About the author:
Heather Hogan has finally found peace, happiness and joy in her life. She has learned that being a motherless daughter is not a death sentence. Her motivation for writing her story was to simply help other people realize they are not alone in their sorrow and woes.
Heather lives with her three children and cat Ted and dog Lilo in Concord CA. Her second book titled, Just Ask My Husband! 101 Women’s Perspectives on How To Keep Your Marriage Peaceful, Sexy, Interesting, and Alive!, will be released in August of 2010. Heather wrote this book and spent hours interviewing women to save marriages and children from experiencing divorce.
Causes Heather Hogan Supports
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation
Breast Cancer Awareness