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Forgiveness....you have nothing without it

Forgiveness? I have written about forgiveness before, but I believe with every thing we see in the news it is important to write about it again.

I just watched an interview on the Today show with the husband of the woman who left him and her one year old daughter, faked a kidnapping and ran away to Miami with her new boyfriend. The husband said he forgave her. Sandra Bullock forgave Jesse but is divorcing him. Elin supposedly forgave Tiger but no real word on if she will be divorcing him has been announced yet.

If you are human you will be violated, disappointed, or hurt by someone else. In the same token, you will disappoint, violate, or hurt someone else. We are sinners and we make mistakes, some times HUGE mistakes. How can we not be forgivers if we have the ability, or tendency, to make mistakes that can alter a persons day or even the path they are traveling on in life? Yes, some mistakes are much bigger than others, but somewhere along the line you have been forgiven by someone in your life that didn’t have to offer you the gift of forgiveness.

I believe there are steps to forgiving someone. It can take years to forgive or just days. I think it depends on the violation and just how much you have been hurt. The first step towards forgiveness is looking within and asking yourself “did I have any part in this persons decision to hurt me like this.” Don’t start yelling at your computer right now wanting to jump through cyber space and shake me. There are certain situations in life where we are driven to do things we wouldn’t normally do unless we were being hurt constantly. Maybe the wife that stabbed the husband did it after years of suffering beating that were administered by her husbands hands. Put yourself in the violators shoes, just for a bit. You might start to find some empathy in your heart for them and what they have been through.

Step 2 is to really think about what the act did to you. Did any good come from it? Meaning, were you sacrificed for the greater good? In most situations you were not a sacrificial lamb, but maybe some good would come from what happened to you. Maybe you saved a child or a person weaker than you from the wrath of the violator. We don’t know.

Step 3 is to put yourself in the place of the one that has hurt you. Try to imagine what happened to them, or find out what their background is, to make them into the person they are. I believe you will be more empathetic if you understand their background.

Step 4 tell the one whom hurt how badly they hurt you and why they hurt you. This is good for your soul. If for some reason you can’t talk to the person that changed your life, have a conversation with God about how this person made you feel and tell Him all the repercussions you are suffering from the act that violated you and your life. God will listen and He wants to give you back every thing you have lost. He wants to help you get strong again and make you stronger than ever before.

Step 5 embrace the lessons learned from your perpetrator. I am 100% certain from every bad act that touches your life you learn lessons and become stronger than before. Embrace your new strengths and love the person that hurt you for teaching you lessons that will now enable you to help others with their trials and tribulations.

After you have accepted what has been done to you, forgiven them, and moved on go plant a tree or flower and look at the beauty that can come from ugliness in the world. If it is winter time, get an indoor plant. Watch something bloom and grow and realize that plant or flower or tree is YOU! You grew and can bloom from the situation that at first was affecting your spiritual growth. Remember, it is all up to you, but you can become an beautiful example to others, and if you choose not to forgive, not only will you not grow and bloom, but you will wilt and die slowly from the inside out!


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Thank you for taking the time to write this

Heather, it's so great that you take the time to encourage people to take tragedies and turn them into growth experiences. I know you've had a busy week, but you took the time to inspire others on Red Room. Thanks.

Abraham Mertens, redroom.com