My son asked me if he could read my book for an autobiography book report. My daughter has read my book, but I feel my son is still too young and won't understand some of the very personal things in my book about me. I started to read my words about myself and life that I haven't read in awhile. The following are some of my favorite paragraphs that I want to share with you just in case you never pick up Can There Be More? for a read.Have you ever wondered if your destiny is in your control? Or is your life and death mapped out for you before you even take your first breath? My mother was afraid of bridges. The direct route to the grocery store that fateful day entailed crossing a bridge. Instead of crossing that bridge my mother took the long way to the store and paid dearly for it.
The only thing that got me through my life was my friends. At the time, if I didn't have a friend named Whitney, I wouldn't have made it. It is very difficult to be called a whore, a bag of crap, and a worthless piece of shit by your father, to be hated by your sister, and feel very resentful against all other family members. I knew that the one person that loved me unconditionally was dead, and that is hard for a fourteen year old to fathom.Isn't is funny how life really does workout? Rarely does it go the way I exactly thought it would, but somehow the kinks are worked through and most of us are delivered to our destination unharmed. I know that we look at homeless people and ones less fortunate than us and think why didn't they arrive at the arrival gate? I believe that it stems from our own human spirits, having trust in God, or whatever it is that you believe controls your destiny and having faith. I have lost faith and hope along the way. The only place that got me was in a big black hole that I had to climb my way out of. When you don't have faith and hope, you become depressed, and depression leads to anxiety, which leads us to being paralyzed from our own fear of life. When we let this fear take over, we are unable to lead our lives and continue on the right path. That is when drugs, alcohol, suicide, and neglect of our lives start to kicks in and ruins us.
The biggest misconception suburbia and stay at home moms is that we are all so happy going to the gym in the morning and then picking up the kids at 2:45 pm. What I have found is there are way too many bored women with nothing better to do than gossip. I wonder if women have always ripped other women throughout the ages. The morning pow wows after the 8:15 aerobic class is the worst. Have I partaken in rip sessions of some other poor mom just trying to raise her kids, yes, but it turns out that other poor mom is also a venomous snake biting the bums of every other mom in the PTA. The worst part about it is none of us really know what is going on behind the doors of the Smith's on 123 perfect Street Utopia USA. I can say there are things going on in that house the rest of Utopia is blind to until one day Mrs. Johnson at 1234 Perfect Street doesn't like Mrs. Smith anymore, and then, watch out, the whole community will know Mrs. Smiths deepest darkest secrets in a PTA minute!
I spent the next four years decorating my tract home to suburban perfection. That would mean a house full of Crate-N-Barrel furniture and accessories. I had custom painting done and spent hours searching for the perfect mirror, candle or silk flower. In between decorating, I ran, lifted weights, attended to my kids, and argued with Jason, which did involve throwing soup cans and spewing venomous phrases at him while he passively aggressively attacked me!
When people are asked what they want for their kids, they always answer happiness, security, blah blah blah. That is a no duh! I want all of that of course, but I also want them to know how to forgive, to have empathy, to respect people, to enjoy a sunny day and a rainy day. I want them to be mesmerized by the sound of the surf pounding against the shore. I want them to experience a Chicago thunderstorm and be in awe of the sight of lightning and the sound of thunder. They need to go diving and realize that there is a whole other world in the ocean, and watch geese flying south for the winter and wonder how did they form that V? I love our sense of smell, and want them to appreciate the smell of spring arriving and the first smell of fall. They need to make snow angels and sit by a fire , while snow falls outside a window. These are the simple and beautiful things in life that are free and will bring them peace and happiness.
I hope they experience these things with people they love, and I also hope they have enough self-confidence to sit alone in the quiet, reflect on life, and enjoy the wonderful things around them.
Causes Heather Hogan Supports
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation
Breast Cancer Awareness