Do nice guys finish last? Wow, what a great question! Let me give you my perspective from my point of view and then I will touch on what I have witnessed with others and their relationships.
If you have been reading my blogs you know that I am very unconventional and come from some severe dysfunction. I have lived in chaos, abuse, dysfunction, anger, turmoil, resentment and with control issues for most of my life. Within the last five years I have started to peel away the layers of the banana to find a person whom wants to live in peace, happiness, harmony, gratefulness and love. It hasn’t been easy nor have I conquered all of my demons yet. There are still some ornery little monsters trying to claw their way out of the closet, but for now, my padlock is working. I just have to try and make them dissipate forever.
With all of that being said, yes, in my life, nice guys have always finished last. Nice guys were way too easy for me to control, manipulate, demoralize and whip into the shape I wanted them to be in. Needless to say, in order to feel stimulated and alive, and be in my comfort zone I had to create controlled chaos. For if life wasn’t chaotic: I was like a fish out of water. If I didn’t have a fire to put out I would stand there with the hose creating fires for me to extinguish. Guess the men that I have always picked? Ones that could give me a run for my money! You know the man that could call me names so I could call him worse names back. The ones that could be abusive, but I could be abusive back. I chose the ones that were chaotic and exciting. I could go on and on and on, but there is a reason I am divorced twice! I take full responsibility for my choices.
Now imagine how many women all over the world that were raised in abusive and dysfunctional childhoods that are not letting the nice guy in. They don’t know how to let the nice guy in. One, they don’t feel they deserve the nice guy. They feel they deserve to be punished forever and they are not worthy of love. A nice guy is out of their comfort zone. A nice guy represents what they have always wanted but if they let him in, he could see who they really are and walk out on them. I can assure you these same women, like me, have abandonment issues. The worst thing for them to do is let someone in and then find one day that same person realizes they are with a scarred woman and walks out on them. The chance is much too great of a risk for them to take!
I know a lot of nice guys. All of the nice guys I know have finished first in life and relationships. If they haven’t finished first in relationships it is only because they haven’t found the right one just yet! I have several girlfriends that are married to nice guys and have wonderful lives. Their families are beautiful, happy, and create memories that last a lifetime. Are some of them bored with their nice guys? Sure, but boredom sets in with every relationship. I know this because I have written an entire book on marriages, and all nice wonderful marriages hit that seven year ho drum itch! But the fact remains, the nice guy, does get the nice girl, and the rest is history.
Who do you think I feel sorry for? The nice guy that gets the bitch of a woman that is using him for his niceness! Nice men out there, don’t fall for that woman, she is just using you!
I am happy to report I am ready for the nice guy! No more war zones for me. No more white flags being displayed, rarely on my part, no more grenades being thrown in the form of soup cans and finally, no more venomous words, spewing out of my mouth like projectile vomiting from the girl in the exorcist!
Good luck out there to the nice guys. Keep on keeping! Cade, my nine year old, says he is a nice guy but always finishes last in coloring and eating his food!
Causes Heather Hogan Supports
Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation
Breast Cancer Awareness