Can There Be More? by Heather Catherine Hogan

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My girlfriend text me the other day asking me if I thought a person can be in love with two people at the same time.  As you could imagine  the texts were long and too many to count. You ask why didn't you pick up the phone? My friend was training a client, so there was three women involved in the conversation. It was basically, them against me!  I have an opinion, you might not agree with it, but here it is.

I do not believe that a person can be in love with two people at the same time.  Being in love involves passion, romance (in the beginning and hopefully through out the relationship) unconditional love, empathy, forgiveness and an ability to compromise and be a partner with someone in life. 

As humans we don't all have the ability to easily forgive, comprise, or share our life with someone else. Most of us only know what unconditional love is through our children. If  you love your spouse or partner with unconditional love you are very lucky to have found that while walking the earth in flesh and blood. 

When you are in love with someone whenever you see them you get a smile on your face, or when they are gone there is an aching in your body for them that can't be taken away by tylenol or advil.  Only that person can take away the pain inside you with their presence. You can't imagine your life without them. How would you go on? 

Being in love with someone is fierce and dangerous. I say dangerous because a person becomes vulnerable.  As a woman who has not let many people in due to loss in my life, being vulnerable means I am standing at the edge of a cliff with only one toe stopping me from falling over.  I am in love with one man, Mark, I didn't let him in until the age of thirty five, I am now thirty nine.  I have never felt such loyalty and protectiveness towards a man.  Let me tell you, at times my love for him has caused me great anxiety. You ask why?  What if he died? What if he disappointed me?  I would not handle it well. For he has my heart, my mind, my body and my soul in his possession. No one has ever attained the ability to even take one of those important aspects of who I am away from me. I gave them to him with trust. It was not easy for me to take a plunge into the unknown sea.  These are truly unchartered waters for me.  I am making my way, charting my course, but at times, with many storms brewing above and churning inside of me.  There are times where I pull back because I feel way too anxious, and I would rather end something than have my insides ripped out again due to disappoint or death!

How could someone be in love with two people at the same time and go through all of that?  I know, I am not normal. But my God, I can tell you if I would be dead from a heart attack if I was having to feel all those feelings twice over!

I did say I believe it is possible to be in love with one person and love another. I am in love with Mark, but I love my ex-husband. My ex-husband and I share children and had ten years together. How could I not love him?  Being in love is a different experience. It is extraordinary and scary. 

Maybe I am wrong or I maybe I am right.  Love is a funny thing. It can blind you and paralyze you.  Those are two things we can't imagine happening to ourselves in life. But we welcome them when we find love!

My father was in love with my mother. He loved her with all his heart.  The day she died, my father had to go down to the local hospital and ID her. He came home to his three little children, told us your mother will never come home again, she in a place called heaven.  That day my father's heart broke in two and has never been mended. He has never fallen in love again. He cannot say my mother's name, Bonnie, without tears welling up in his eyes. That was thirty six years ago.

When he talks about my mother I stare at him. I watch his eyes and his lips. The love he felt for her was great and filled his soul with joy.  A huge piece of him left him the day she died.  I believe watching him and his pain for years was a part of the reason I never let love in.  I didn't want to go through hell on earth if I lost the one I loved with such intensity. 

I finally let love in because I finally learned what life is about.