Governor Perry plans to issue a statement tomorrow concerning the release of scientific claims. Faux New Network political reporter Stacy Conundrum got a copy in advance.
September 26, 2011. For immediate release:
I deplore President Obama's hands-off approach to all the phony claims that the scientific community issues with impunity. As if the ludicrous claims about global warming and climate change aren't bad enough, now the scientists have issued a claim that flies in the face of the bible. Their report that some particle traveled at greater than light speed must be treated as absurd.
According to the Bible and Genesis, God created light. It is inconceivable that He would create light and not establish an upper speed limit. Therefore the claim that some particle (that no one has ever seen!) traveled faster than the speed of light borders on blasphemy.
I call on President Obama to initiate strict controls over these phony scientific claims.
I have heard the experiment took place in Geneva and Obama had no control over it. Utter nonsense. I don't care if the experiment took place in a town called Geneva in Wisconsin, Illinois, Ohio or some other state, the President has an obligation to control the scientists and regulate their pernicious reports.
After I'm elected President, scientists will be prohibited from issue reports unless, and until, they are approved by my advisors. Certainly, no reports will be issued that are in conflict with the Bible.
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Two years ago, to show support for our armed services and to provide a measure of entertainment, Hank put together a collection of ten humorous...