FNN has investigated house crashes and has an exclusive report on the causes.
Lately, there has been an epidemic of moter vehicles crashing into houses and stores, especially in the New York Metro area. It seems that every other day, the evening news has a report on yet another house front demolished by a car, school bus or truck.
FNN investigated this phenomena. Our investigative reporter Sid Query went to the Institute of Philosophical Technology in Weehawken, New Jeresy. There, in a quaint slum overlooking the Hudson River and the Manhattan skyline, Sid talked to the Juan Gonsalvez, head of the Institute's janitorial services and an amatuer scientific slueth."I'm allowed to use the lab facitities here after hours," Mr Gonsalvez told our reporter. "The rest of my staff are all students working on their degrees, so we jumped on the opportunity to investigate this high accident rate."
That was three months ago and now the Institute's janitorial staff has issued its preliminary report. It reads in part: There is evidence that an alien visited Mid-town Manhattan back aroiund 2007 and 2008. This alien, known as a zaftan, was an impressario searching for new acts for his inter-galactic variety show. We found two short cell phone video clips of a huge, squid-like creature slithering down the street opposite Madison Square Garden.Our current theory is that this alien has returned and is causing the drivers to lose control so the aliens can film the crash. We believe the films will be shown on an alien reality show called "Earthlings do the dumbest things."
"Naturally,"Ginzalvez said, "people will argue that if our theory was correct, we would see the aliens at the scene of the crashes. That is not necessiarily true if the aliens cloaked themselves using transmorgifying technology. That would allow them to pass for humans by modify what people actually see."
"By the way" Gonzalvez added, "we also uncovered anocdotal evidence that the aliens manipulated the Presidential debates and will show the films on their reality show. Now, doesn't that explain a lot?"
FNN will continue to fund the janitorial staff as they delve deeper into this possible alien incursion
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