You are kidding her friend chided her again, "shes still with out a job"? How have they been? I don't know how they can survive on one paycheck these days. With things so expensive, someone said they saw her counting change, you are serious? Change, oh my God, it's beyond me. Whats the matter with some people they don't think or act responsibily, but really from what I know I think shes pretty frugal. Is she? Yes, she has no choice to be, she was saying something to the effect that as a housewife she feels worthy. Her work is very important and meaningful, but with responsibility and other areas that are always coming into foucus. Her husband just had a big car repair, they can't even afford to buy another car, things have come down to the point where it's everybody. Everybody is feeling the pinch, her husband gave me a look, you know the "look".
Your kidding me? no I kid you not, he's disgusted with her. Did he say something? well not the verbal. What are you talking about? Well he dosen't seem pleasant, he seems fed-up. What exactly are you speaking about? Well, it's just his cues, I am not sure I understand where your coming from. He's coming from the point of view that he's under pressure and that he feels nobody is doing anything about it. I don't know how you can say that, well maybe I am a bit bias, theres nothing wrong with her, why dosen't she go out and do something. Well, from what I understand, shes a nice person, but shes not motivated about certain situations. Those situations regarding work for some reason are akward to her person. What are "you" now speaking of? Please clarify? I wish I could, I would love to see whats inside her head, but truly she says she wants to write. Oh, I can see that, but yet it's still a little distant, shes not being realistic is she? No, but I do know she has a sincere interest. She goes to school, the other woman kept pushing back the line of discussion, and kept forcing her to become defensive.
Apologetically, I am not going to defend myself towards such indifferent attitudes. If people were genuinely interested they'd find scholarships to help me, instead of waste my time with their doubts. Doubts come out of the corner of every suspicous eye that wanders towards a different reality, that cannot be found. Except in dialouge that occurs in the mind, a great professor told her that, that reality is completely objective, and needs no permission to become real. That thought freed her mind once again, to belive in a soul purpose. The writer understands many sophiscated situations, that some become prone to benevolence, and depend upon lies, lies that have been told to protect shame and embarrasment of the truth.
So if the truth is ugly, it is still the truth another person said along the way in this discussion. But who were these people? Harrier Tubman, what about Sojurner Truth? and more common tones in contemporary fiction that have left their indelible mark on the likes of mankind. With only asking one truth to be told, which truth should it be? Your truth, or mine? Any truth at any time takes immediate presedence. The truth asks to be told, beholding what one values most besides the skin with which leaves little room to move with out the sesne of being able to live in ones own skin. So what did happen with them? They have been in a deeper love from the time they met, they were in a forest one day, he explained along time ago. Niether one could explain, what this forest was. But it became a common ground for many of the couples anxities surrounding the where abouts and who and what of their existence as a couple.
It was a splendid time of romancing the stone of their complete and utter equality, until the stone held it's romance and fell apart. The stone dispersed and caused the atoms of thought and foray into a spectacular event, that those who knew both he and she were mesmerized over it's capacity to over come the darkness that was always a forebearer to their reality. The baron asked many questions that frightened both the man and the woman, they were freqent questions that they faced at the tibuanl of their love ceremony, as they were gods from a different entitity. The entintiy is not known here to mankind, but is visible under the right elements, as for to with which God has laid open like a book of common occurences under the title of romance.
This title is not to be confused with love, but with the sense of being aware of the beauty that encaptures true loves bloom. Have you ever witnessed a rose when it is at it's peak? Have you ever noticed a perfect rain drop with it's magnification? And suddenly the answer to a problem is viewed? Have you ever looked up and asked why? Why did I deserve such perfection? But all these answers are there? except for certain ones that are more harder to view.
What do you mean? Well, it's cynical of me to suggest that most anything a person sees if from a objective sense. A sense where one sees the importance of something simply by his or her own impression. Many are frigid and riverted with fear at the sense of feeling, feeling is the most elemental of all purposes. It can be of great courage to feel certain feelings, not all feelings are good, some are filled with caution, others are hesitant, perhaps when it might not be a great time to be hesitant. Others are wish fufilled, and yet others are purely selfish and not with merit or good. These things become part of a reality of a host of other views.
Some of those places were often dry, stringent views. With nothing much but the bare brutal reality of what was the desert, some of despite the fact that it was a desert also showed a differnt type of vibrancy. A vibrancy that seemed to erupt out of the most rudimentary skills of coping when there is very little to cope with. No vegetation, no sense of when the cleansing rains would come, just dismount all that you thought you knew and walk out onto the desert.
It's not easy, she calmly admitted, but it was the essence of the littlest nuances that kept the sense of self perspective alive, why did I come to this vast area? The sand so different than the rich elaborate forest which found them at their at their optimal, with their senses able to trust thier interior surroundings. What now? the fast and furious thoughts came, were drying up litterally. We really don't love each other anymore, not with the sense we did back in those early days of newness and earnest love, after being faithfully departed from other long lost deserted forests that we found our way out of.
Now came this new reality dry and dull, restless urges to count every enjoyable moment that came and went and beseige our very memory with happiness. Yes we were happy, she exclaimed then we would be saved. another void came upon his mind. "So what", the elaborate gentleman encountered, I was always happy as long as I had what I needed I could survive with little for far less.
I am an extremist and have been trained even when I was very young and still in my formative years and there was a war in the near and far truth of things I learned to accept what I was given and seldom would even think to question why? It was not necessary, the truth like the dessert lies before us. We are older and have hit a dry spell, what could quench this terrible thirst for enthusiasm? I don't know, but likely you won't find it from me, But do you see that bird down yonder? It's a buzzard the wife humbled herself to answer, so be it. But it still has it's own direction, it dosen't have a compass, it dosen't have a sense of where or why it has to go, but it is credited to it's instincts for staying and keeping alive.
Maybe thats what you have to do, out of the goodness of your heart you thought of that said the wife? Bemoanst to herself as her own guide, she spoke in a circular fashion, hoping to create a maze. The maze she assured herself in queit breaths of air, would assure her, that he would find his own weary responses and his own dis-belief in his own mis-givings, until then he would recognize his own truth. They both got to the desert by either one response or another, who gave the directions she heard a voice in her head declare?
Was it you or I who changed the signals? I don't know it seems thats what older people do. They trust less and blame more, so true thought the wife, how could we change these mixed messages. I don't know the husband shouted back, pressured into thinking supportively and not quite sure he could exist in a enviorment so unsure of it's own resources. I don't think I can speak anymore not for now, I have to go off and wander and eventually find something here in the desert to eat.
I can see some type of vegetation said the woman, but I am not sure if it's edible. The husband reassured her that there were cactus flowers, even on a prickly cactus that could be enjoyed with some other vegetables that were saved for such purposes such as these. They ate, she kissed him on his forehead as she understood that he was getting older and more worried about falls and burises as they were begining to appear more freqently.
Even though the picture was sweet at one time, it had changed dramatically at one of the vists to the doctor, they were both told as a matter of fact, to cut out the sweetness. You mean litterally she asked, no he seemed vexed as the doctors words were labled as dangerous and fattening. What? asked the wife, I am not sure I follow you, "I know" said the husband well aware of the well meaning dialouge that the wife had salivated out of her mouth. Like most of her other words that were sweet and kind, but meant little and would not even help a blind person out of desert hole, it would amount to little except that it was sweet talk.
What would you say that we look up towards the heavens and ask why did we create this?
Yes, that is a boundless answer one with full turnip and parsiminious results of many of the opposite effects that cause elasticisity to occur in blind arguments. With ranges of near to zero in being correct, because they are not our arguments, and tails that are followed by huge dumb animals that are not quite in our range to help. We are only one pair of ignobles that have traversed and traveled into time and dimension of our souls. That is no gray matter, but percisely matter into ones heart, where usually no man wishes to go. Admit to sensitivity? no. It isn't heard of not even casually, not even with percipitation, but when we do go to visit our hearts desires, well thats something different. Thats what we call love, every thing is balanced on it's very sense of purpose and disicipline.
What did you say, I barely heard that as an audible whisper of cause and effect, you questioned everything I knew about surviving in the desert. But not why or why not I love you? and in questioning why or why not I love you, I also had to ask why not? A person is a whole and complete article of being, complete with reference to and not held by critical belief, but my many beliefs, some not common, some common. Some are a myth, others are longshore tails of modern wisdoms and conventional old wives tales. Some are convuluted others are small talk and yet other times there are genuine pearls of wisdom, entwined with conventional words of choice and wisdom. Won't you please walk in the desert with me?