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Gerard Jones's Writings

View Gerard’s Books | Read Gerard’s other writings below.

It's a Minsky!   Ed and Johnny had gone out for doughnuts and were about a block from the Edna when they saw the Pierce-Arrow pull up in front of their bungalow. As they ducked behind an orange tree they saw the same mug in the shapeless hat who had haunted them before approach their door and give it a peremptory knock. “Doesn’t that son of a bitch ever give...
Short Story
Literary Lad   Splendid Man tapped on the window while I was in the middle of a story. Ordinarily, he just bores through walls to get into a room, but I asked him not to because I have a finicky landlady. I opened the window and he wafted in. “Hi, pal,” he said. “Hi, pal,” I said. “Did I interrupt anything?” “Oh no, I was only writing,” I said. “Can I read...
Don Juan Fights a Duel   Although they’d offered to pay for the gas, Jack Warner had refused them the use of a company car. So they’d filled the Nash with oil and water and offered a little prayer that it would survive the long haul from Hollywood to Lone Pine. “Lovely drive if you like sage,” Johnny said. “Don’t overlook the mountains.” Ed said. “You can...
Short Story
Splendid Man the Movie    We had to stand in line for two hours to get into the movie. I considered asking Ken to sneak us in at Splendid Speed, but I knew he would never use his powers for his own advantage. The movie wasn’t worth the wait. Like all these movies they’re making about Splendid Heroes these days, it was long on violence and special effects,...
Pinks and Finks   Johnny whacked Ed on the head with a rolled-up Examiner. “That Mitchum movie we wrote just opened at the Chinese,” he yelled. “Let’s go!” The movie started at 7:00, so they parked at the Chinese Theater at 7:40. They got to their seats about 7:55, which Ed estimated would give them a few minutes to spare, but the previews and newsreel...
Short Story
Will and Splendid Man's Double Date    “Tell me, Will. Often, when I read the liner notes in novels, I encounter the word ‘Rabelaisian.’ What exactly is meant by that?” “Well, Cal, François Rabelais was a sixteenth-century French surgeon who wrote novels in his spare time. His work was characterized by ribald humor and gargantuan absurdity. So today, when a...
Short Story
The Girl in the Canned City   The doorbell startled me. I’d been sitting in my room catching up on my self-pity and the last thing I’d expected was a visitor. I threw open my door and blinked. “Well,” I said. “I sure didn’t figure to find you in my hall. Especially in that get-up.” I was referring to the conservative blue business suit that Cal is so often...
Ed and Johnny Hit the Skids   Ed and Johnny were writing up a grocery list when a knock sounded at the back door. They both around and faced it in attitudes of tense alertness. “Bill collector?” Ed whispered. “We did blow off that last one,” Johnny said. “They probably want to haul us off to court now.” “Ed? Johnny? Are you boys in there?” They looked...
The Count of Central Avenue   As was their custom, Ed and Johnny followed their pitch to Jack Warner with three days of drinking and despair. On the fourth morning they realized they’d run out of both Spam and gin, and so a trip to the grocer’s was in order. Just that little errand was enough to reawaken them to the charms of life. Johnny picked up a Racing...
Short Story
Splendid Man's Literary Discoveries   I opened the window, moved aside, and vibrated the teeth of my SOS Comb. Splendid Man zoomed into the room before I could count to one. “What’s the trouble, Will?” he said. “I lost my damn keys,” I said. “Where did you last see them?” “I had them when I drove home after dinner,” I said. “But I can’t for the life of me...