Brad's New Bright Life (Part 1) Hope and Fears
A loud, urgent knocking came from our front door. My wife, Brown Eyes, certain our house was on fire hustled to respond. There was a fire of sorts, but it wasn’t a house or even ours. It was Brad and Brenda Fitzapiti from around the corner here in Palm Heights (elevation 14’).
Red faced, Brad said to me “I just talked to Sarah Caldwell. She says she came to talk with you about Interdependence and she left feeling so much more hopeful for herself. Whatever you poured her, I want a cup of that. I’m really afraid and I’m tired of it. I want the new bright life I anticipated when I retired.”
“After being retired for a year – at age 66 becoming a gourmet cook, taking up gardening and painting – I can’t get over the feeling I’m not doing enough to reinvent myself. I’m not bored but I’m not happy either. My father wouldn’t understand this at all. I think I’m more adaptable than he ever was. Am I nuts?”
Brown Eyes asked us what we’d like to drink. “Brad will take anything you’ve got that doesn’t have caffeine or alcohol,” Brenda responded, “I’ll take a cup of coffee and George wants his usual tea with lots of milk, please.” We sat in the family room.
Brad resumed, “My new bright life should have automatically arrived with our furniture when we moved here. I said goodbye to my old life already. I’m not used to feeling vaguely afraid and I don’t like it at all. Ok, I’m feeling relieved that I’ve gotten it out and want it to be your turn now.”
His breathing returned to a more normal pace. “No. It’s not George’s turn," Brenda interjected. “It’s mine! I love you. I want you to be happy. It won’t happen just because you keep yourself busy. Most of all I don’t want to be your new best friend and constant companion. I need a little space.”
“There is a pervasive myth out there,” I began, “that goes like this: The most successful among us between 50 and Elderly have totally reinvented themselves and are, in essence, different and fully renewed people with no doubts and total fulfillment. If you’ll look it up you’ll find Reinvention means: to invent again or anew, esp. without knowing that the invention already exists.”
“Who among us arrived here with no biography, expectations, or anxieties? Total Reinvention is another case of Baloney Language in which our thinking is fenced in by outdated words that don’t work for us any more Between 50 and Elderly AND we haven’t created the necessary new replacement language that will work for us. Other examples of outdated words are Retirement, Identity tied to chronological age, Elderly, and Aging.”
(To Be Continued...)
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Talk to you soon, George
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—Richard Nelson Bolles, Author, What Color Is Your Parachute?
About George
George H. Schofield, PhD has over 40 years of knowledge and experience in lifelong development, successful aging, and extended employment—and how these intersect and affect individuals, employees, and businesses. He is an expert, innovator, and thought...
Good call!
I am 66 and don't even like to think of "reinventing" myself. My live, however, is about to take a new path. We are moving to Uganda. My husband has accepted a position for about 2 possibly 3 years.
I'm still wondering how to process all this. We will move to a third world country. I won't see my kids/grandkids once a year.
Yet the move places us in an area that is but mere hours from places I've always wanted to visit.
My thrust right now, more than anything, is doing all I can to improve my health. We both had to receive medical clearances that took months to secure. But being three hours from 21st centry medical care prompts me to become healthier. I, too, am not bored, not particularly happy, and maybe a wee bit anxious. Great post!
Thanks.
Your New Life is Already Beginning!
Well Sharon, what a great adventure you are embarking upon! I wish you and your husband all success.
Your move offers both opportunity and challenge. Being close to places you've dreamed about and being farther away from the people you love. I've certainly experienced this myself. It can be bittersweet, but makes our lives so much broader and grow us beyond what we thought possible for ourselves.
I know we've exchanged writings about technology before. Being a good planner and adventurer, I imagine you've thought of the following. Will you have an internet connection that will allow for video chat, via Skype or another free service? Also, in terms of your health, can you bring loads of vitamins and supplements? I know of travelers to far flung places that choose an extra rider to the insurance coverage: that in case of emergency, a helicopter will come and fly you out.
It just goes to show you that life after age 50 doesn't come with a map (although Uganda does!) And perhaps your children and grandchildren can come and visit their grandmother, the adventurer?
Be safe, Sharon, and please do stay in touch. Best, George