I was taught to always obey : at home, at school, grown ups , etc. And I always knew that if I obey, I wouldn´t get in trouble, and I would make people happy. Now I have read so much about not to expect your children to obey in everything, because then , they don´t have a chance to decide by themselves.
Anyway, I married at 21, with a man I knew for a little time, but "it was time", because after a certain age, it is too late for women to marry. And in this marriage ,I obey just as I was told to do, 16 years. I didn´t like a lot of things in my marriage, but I stayed there.
And after all my life doing what everyone is expecting me to do, he takes me for granted, never tries to please me in any way , it´s always him, him,him. But I stayed there , obeying the rule of marriage. Until he decides to have an affair. And that is just what I needed to give me permition to break the life I had been living.
I get out of his house , I take my 3 kids, I started working in two jobs, so I can pay por rent, food, etc. They were the 4 more difficult years of my life, with so many problems. I couldn´t please my children , I couldn´t please my parents, I was trying to live every difficult day and it was reallly hard. I know I´m not the only one, there are a lot of women and men going through what I was going, but reallly it is very hard to describe every difficult day , in which you want to quit, or maybe go back and accept everything I didn´t like but wasn`t as hard.
But being myself, doing what is right, giving the best of me everyday, teaching my kids to fight for what you want, problems started to lessen and then a wonderful man appears in my life.
Now I´m living in a new marriage, I have been 10 years "happily married". I am myself and even thoug it feels good to please someone else, first I have to please myself.