Many years ago in a far distant land and in a time long since forgotten, there was a magical kingdom, and this kingdom was called Hootersville. It was a wonderful place to live, full of friendly people and always so much fun to be had, there were games for the children and plenty of entertainment for the adults. The kingdom was ruled by the resident queen, she was very pretty and always good to the people of hootersville; she would hold a great feast every week and always invited everyone. There would be no expense spared when choosing the menu for the banquet, and bakers and cooks came from all over the kingdom in order to prepare the feast, you see, this was no ordinary feast, as it was no ordinary kingdom. This magical kingdom was truly unique in every way the imagination could, well, imagine. You see, it was inhabited by pigs, and not just any pig, these were magical pigs, that walked and talked just like people. Even the queen was a pig, although no one would dare to call her such a name, you see, the queens name was queen snort a lot, and she had her very own knight ready to protect and defend at her command. The knight of which we speak was known as sir grunt, a kind gentle fellow, but only in the presence of his queen, for in battle he was a ferocious fellow indeed. He would march around the castle day and night always on guard, never letting a single thing go unnoticed, the slightest noise or a slight movement in the shadows and he was ready to pounce. Standing about five feet tall he was quite a large fellow for, a pig anyway and he had an appetite to match too; when sir grunt was not on duty he could be found cleaning his armor, he took great pride in looking very smart and liked his armor to shine like a mirror, his sword was no exception, it too was very shinny and very sharp, in fact, it was almost as big as he was and he needed to be very strong to use it, so he would practice every day, swinging and jabbing his sword with great passion and honor. Not far from the piggy castle lived the resident baker, he would supervise all the other bakers that came to help with the weekly feasts, he was not always a happy chap, and sometimes he could be heard grunting and snorting from across the yard. He went by the name of Albert Trotters, and as the name suggests, he had rather large feet, in fact they were so big that he used to trip himself up on a regular basis, not such a good thing when carrying food for the queen’s banquet. Now Mr. Trotters had a wife, she could usually be found right behind her husband poised ready to catch the food when her rather large footed husband dropped it, she was a most patient woman, and went by the name of Edwina Bacon. Now, Edwina Bacon came from a good home, her mother was a dress maker and her father was a highly skilled carpenter, in fact her father had built most of the building within the castle enclosure And had been commissioned to carry out all the repairs to the queens castle, this was a very good job to have as it was always very well paid. Now outside of the enclosure was a different matter, it wasn’t really safe to travel alone, especially at night, because not too far away was a forest, a very deep and dark forest; in this forest lived a rather nasty bunch, they were known as the howlers because of the noise they made after dark. The leader of this bunch was known as Walter Fangs, a very nasty chap indeed, and he had a plan, and that plan was to invade the hootersville. Behind Walter Fang was a band of very nasty chaps, and they shared in his ideas, and were only too eager to put the plan into action and invade the poor unsuspecting inhabitants of hootersville. But thing that these nasty chaps had not realized, was that Sir Grunt had already Put counter measures in place for such an attack; these measures included hidden spears on all the gates that would shoot out of the ground when any invaders came too close, but that was just the start. On the wall tops there were giant brass pots, cleverly disguised as decorations that in an attack would be filled with incredibly sticky glue; around the outside of the enclosure walls there had been secret changes made to the moat that surrounded the walls and all of this completely unknown to the beasts in the forest. You see, not only had they made slight changes to the moat they had also filled it with some rather hungry fish, now when I say hungry, I mean very hungry, these things could out eat Sir Grunt, and that was by no way a mean feat. But not only did the kingdom have all these secret defenses, but they also had something else, something only the queen and Sir Grunt knew about, and that was the stranger; you see, some years earlier a stranger had come across the piggy kingdom of hootersville and decided that he likes it so much, that he would like to stay. He offered the queen his services if she would allow him to stay in her kingdom, when asked what he could offer in return for a place in her kingdom he replied, I am a great magician and very powerful, one of the last remaining magi in fact. The queen was so impressed that she granted his wish and he remained there very quietly minding his own business until he would be needed. So you see boys and girls, the kingdom remains safe.
By - Steve