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I am a real Country Western fan and really do love that music. It just might be the Texas in me. Let me hear that guitar twang and I am off to a different world.

I don’t understand why some people are just a little too snooty to listen to Country Western. My feeling is that these ballads tell it the way it really is, no covering up things. Why all those condescending people are no different than myself or Johnny Cash and the gang. We all eat, (BBQ), drink, (longnecks), and put our pants (Levis) on, one leg at a time.

They are about God, love, family, fights, booze, men that run around, women who stand by their man, honkytonks, trucks, trains and wanting your lover back. Country Western Songs go to the real essence of life.

What about those poor, misunderstood women that sing, “All the Guys That Turn Me on, Turn Me Down,” “Beauty Is Skin Deep, But Ugly Goes to the Bone,” and “Did I Shave My Legs for This?”

How about these lyrics: “I’m stranded all alone in the gas station of love and I have to use the self service pump.” Does that grab you? Maybe, singing is what gets them through the day. Johnny Cash tells us that, “Singing seems to help a troubled soul.”

They also write and sing songs about God, heaven and hell. My current favorites are: “Are You Drinking With Me Jesus?” “Are You in the Top Forty of the Lord?” “Jesus Loves Me But he Can’t Stand You,” and the ever popular, “You Can’t Haul a U-Haul Into Heaven.” Now these really have a theological twist to them. If I listen long and hard enough to these songs, I know I can find my way through the pearly gates.

Isn’t it touching that they love to sing about family? How do you like, “I Went Out on a Limb and Fell Off the Family Tree,” “Mommy, Can I Still Call Him Daddy?” and “We Feed Our Babies Onions So That We Can Find Them in the Dark.” Then there is that old favorite of mine, “You’re the Reason Our Kids Are Ugly.” These are some good ones to analyze. Maybe we should form study groups…

But Love is central to the true Country Western Song such as, “If I Ain’t Got It You Don’t Need It,” “His Only Bad Habit is Me,” “I Never Went to Bed With an Ugly Woman But I Sure Done Woke up With a Few,” and “I Want to be the Blue Light Special in the K-Mart of Your Heart.” My heart just can’t stop palpitating with such thoughts of love and devotion. Did you know my ex was a true “Blue Light Special”?

Then there is the booze (adult beverages to the uninitiated). Some of my favorites are, “I’m Quitting Wild Turkey Cold Turkey,” “There’s a Tear in My Beer,” “Don’t Come Home A Drinkin’ (With Lovin’ On Your Mind),” “You Ain’t Much Fun Since I Quit Drinking” and “I’m Gonna Hire a Wino to Decorate Our Home.”

I can’t figure out if these have stopped me from drinking more or started me drinking less.

How about their fixation on machinery? Have you heard of, ”If Oil Were Love I Would be a Quart Low,” or “Lookin’ At The World Through A Windshield,” “I Changed Her Oil and She Changed My Life,” and “She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy.” What is this thing they have about engines?

Country Songs have been the guideposts of my life. If it weren’t for them, I don’t know if I could have coped with life so well. I’ll leave you with my all time favorite, “I Would Rather Have a Bottle in Front of Me Than a Frontal Lobotomy.” That song says it all… and I suppose that this must say volumes about me.

Till next time.