I have sent cards and given gifts. But some things are not so tangible. What can be more real than the taste of mud when you fall flat on your face?
Here is my gratitude diary:
Adventures - for laughing at me, with me, for me and for that moment of adrenaline rush that teaches me how wonderful ephemeral things too can be and making me realise that life is not a bed of roses so there are several thorns to work through before I can sleep.
Books - for nursing my wayward thoughts, for making me believe that stories can touch souls. For giving me a home to place my words in and waiting for my silences.
Caretakers - of morals, morale, memories, mortuaries, mundanities, we owe them our gratitude for being there to look after what we don't care about.
Desires - they come lingeringly or they rush in, and I know I have to keep up with them and find a way out of the maze before they get the better of me!
Emotions - every single one of them, from anger to zeal, I wallow in them to find that my heart is in the right place and my mind in the wrong one, and it somehow does not matter because when I can feel so much, why should I waste my time thinking?
Friends - for sending me those vibes from miles away, for taking me by the hand, for jolting me sometimes, and for giving me a part of themselves.
God - I have to be grateful to a god I do not know, because it is this entity that keeps most of the world in a flap and gives us hope that there is a heaven and the fear that there is a hell. I must thank that unknown god for being invisible so I can learn to use my imagination, and believe that everything is possible.
Honesty - for not letting me give in or give up…it has often saved me and kept my dignity intact. It has made me realise I possess what I did not think I did – a reservoir of patience. And an ocean of foolhardiness. Never mind Benjamin Disraeli saying, "There is no wisdom like frankness."
Instinct - it works. Everytime. I will never give it short shrift anymore. It has stood by me when all else has failed. Even intelligence.
Jealousy - for keeping me on my toes, and for being the best back-handed compliment!
Knowledge - that makes me understand the virtue of tranquillity in chaos and amidst all that I learn it tells me that I am most important to myself because I am the recipient, and knowledge cannot exist in a vacuum.
Love - for being there at the most unexpected times, in the most unexpected places, in the most unexpected ways, ready to kiss me or slap me, and linger just long enough to watch.
Memories - they have made me and unmade me, and shown me the way, and when I have got lost I could always rely on them to go back to the old road. I like old roads.
Nature - my concrete walls and floors may not be pretty but they make me appreciate the changing seasons, the rains, the summer sweat, the winter dryness, bird songs and clouds that gather like gossip mongers and exchange notes about the sky.
Orgasm - those few seconds when nothing else matters. The only thing that takes the shortest while to take you to the greatest heights.
Pain - not many understand it, but we ought to be grateful to pain, for every little pin-prick is a lesson that tells us that we are still sensitive.
Questions - that run through my mind and take me on a rollercoaster ride only to discover that getting your head in a spin will bring you no answers but it sure will make you ask for more.
Rascals - for just being there and making us feel good about ourselves. Everytime the vile try to get at me, it only makes me stronger.
Spaces - wide open, giving us a glimpse of how small we are and then showing us the stars to make us feel big.
Temptation - hot chocolate fudge, the promise of passion, the feeling of closeness from afar. What would life be without something being dangled before us? Not all apples are for biting, though. Some apples are just oranges.
Unknown - those millions of faceless people who one will never meet, but in which group one belongs to for someone somewhere we too are just a number. Thanks for that gentle reminder.
Voice - having one and using it. Voice aloud those things that need to be said for only then you will know whether there are listeners around or not.
Women - all of you, for those eyes that see rather than just look, the nose that sniffs out everything, the lips that drip with promise, the breasts that heave with warmth, the womb for its potential to create.
X - to those who went away…thanks for your presence then and your absence now!
You - whoever you are, whenever you come, in whichever form, I am grateful because I believe in possibilities.
Zero - an amount of nothing but add it to any number and its value shoots up. It is a perfect round that can hold everything within it without wanting anything in return. Zero is the ultimate void that is full.