Whenever I buy toilet paper, I can never make up my mind. So many choices--soft, softest, ultra soft? Septic safe, environmentally safe, mentally safe? Scented or unscented? Made from trees, last year's newspapers, or bubble gum wrappers? 1000-ply or 200? In addition, there's the number of rolls per package to consider. I like to buy enough to last awhile.
When I get to the bath tissue aisle, my mind starts whirring, calculating ratios: Is it better to get four rolls at $2.99 or twelve rolls for $7.99? But the four rolls are just four whereas the twelve are twelve large rolls, which equals, according to the flashy packaging, twenty-four rolls.
Just how large is large and how long will they last?
Not long enough, I suppose.
I move on to better things and see twenty-four bigger rolls. Twenty-four equals forty-eight. Well. That's more like it. On sale for $13.99. And, get this, if I want to do a mix and match, I can get two at $10.99 each and save 99 cents.
A girl can dream, right?
Yesterday, one package offered instant savings of $1.50, so in addition to the $13.99, I can subtract more money and who knows what will happen if I buy two. By the time today's visit rolls around, that coupon has vanished, which just goes to show all is not fair and equal in the toilet paper bowl.
I am contemplating a complaint to the manager, when I see something that makes me dance for joy. A name brand, ultra soft TP and, drum roll, please, 25% more rolls free. So, instead of twenty-four larger rolls equals forty-eight, I have the opportunity, to get thirty. Thirty large rolls equals sixty.
Life does not get much better than this.
I skip all the way to checkout.
I guess you can say I'm on a roll.
Causes Eva Schlesinger Supports
Center For Young Women's Development
Alameda County Library Foundation