This week at college has been less than perfect. In fact, it was not even possible to label it under "pleasing". Sure, I had my moments, but overall I am not impressed.
I guess when you are young and you have the blessing of parents who can take care of you and love you, you see the world void of serious problems. As you get older, you weigh things, add them into your mind, and feel as though you gain responsibility. To be honest, I am quite tired of it all. No worries, this is not a death note/last will. No. But really, it is getting a bit intolerable.
I guess most of our issues comes from our own concern about them. Surely, a child and a parent go to see a park. It rains. The parent complains about getting their clothes wet, but the child plays in the puddles. Who cares if your clothes get dirty or wet? It's not acid rain (hopefully). You are not the Wicked Witch of the West, you will not smolder at the first sign of percipitation. But do you see my point?
I guess my problem to date is that I do not trust people well, and therefore don't have faith in anyone. I seem to have, like Regina Spektor put it, always one foot on the ground. ("Fidelity" in 2008?) Ican't go into details, of course, but the short of it is that my parents are doing a big favor to help my boyfriend get into a university because, if they didn't, he would have to go back to his country. I feel so torn. My parents have their own problems, from health to family, and my boyfriend has his, mostly money and visas. And what can I do about any of it? Nothing.
Inside I know my parents will help me no matter what, and my boyfriend will work hard. So, the question is, do I let it go and trust in them? That is so hard for me, and I am sure it would be for you too. But is it? I guess you just have to find the right words to tell yourself that trusting them will work out.
No matter what happens, Life will go on... by someone famous
And it is true. Looking at my life the past week has totally given me a run for heart medication, as I have read smewhere women who stress get heart problems (yaaaay). But I look at it, bit by bit, and I see that the big issues were not so bad, and I did, in fact, live through them. Going to the graveyard for graphic design yesterday made me appreciate how precious life is, and how blessed I am for living past any fragile age under 20. I saw some people who, as their epitaph stated, had "died suddenly" at the age of 21 and 22 or whatever, so I guess I should continue closely counting my blessings.
Ok, so once we establish trust and realize that the world will not stop for much of what we do, what is next? Caring, or not...
It's both, really. To not care about anything or anyone is depressing, and a slip-n-slide ride to disaster. However, caring for people, in a way, cushions strain on both you and any given person. If you have many aquiantances and a few friends, thats great! If you just have one friend, one: I must tell you to get a life and get out more, and two: stop being such an irritating hermit. You are in a state of constant change, and so are people. The more friends you have, the more wiggle room you have when people change, and the less pissy you will be when a relationship doesn't work out. As an added bonus, if you have only one friend, and you can over-do them with all of the attention and whathaveyou. BUT, if you have many friends, the less stress you put on just one, and the happier everyone is. Cheers.
Now for the not caring bit. I am not saying become an indifferent bum, but next time something comes into your head and you just want to scream or rip something apart and watch the shreds float slowly down around you, think of this: in the BIG picture, does this really actually matter? How would making a huge deal out of something so insignificant help in any way?
Truth is, it wouldn't. When something bugs me, I want to get to know exactly why it bugs me. Once I figure out why, I weigh in if it is actually worth any action or if it's me being, as I hear it commonly called, "emotional". This, when applied to women, usually means "hormonal". I like to ignore this. It is usually not worth it, so I usually just suck it up and let it go, reminding myself WHY I am doing this and not freaking out or "having an episode" of some sort. It's like playing the violin- looks easy, then when you try to play, you get terrible sounds. You practice and practice until it finally works for you. Same concept.
- Let go of your worries you and society have made up for you...
- Learn to just trust and let go...
- No matter what happens, Life will go on..
- Be grateful. Everyday. For everything. For real.
- Care! About people
- Don't Care! About issues (follow-up of #1)
- Practice makes perfect... or darn well close...
So good luck everyone, I know it's not easy, but take it in stride. Good luck!