I realized something the other day. I care a lot. Not about me. I care that I give my body what it needs and that I am happy. Good. Check. But, I don't seem to think of myself first, almost ever. Not to boast, but when I see a situation arise, my first thought is, oh, are they ok? Which is odd because I am not fond of people. I don't even come to terms to the fact that I exist, if you can grasp that. I keep forgetting I have a body and a face and I walk. It is so strange, I know, for anyone to read this, as most of you are not coming from my point of view.
But I find it funny that I care about the fate of people, but don't care to be near them or talk to them. Maybe its hormones. Ugh.
Hormones are funky things. They drive us crazy with, and make us feel funky without(at least the ladies). Other than my herding and motherly instincts, I have been spared the brute drama and bitchiness associated with my age group, that akward yet stable incline of hormones to surprised young adults. At least I just feel funky sometime in the month. Men always are on their cycle. Maybe thats why they are so calm yet pumped full of testosterone at the same time, they have merely become accustommed to it. Women go through introduction, release, and withdrawl every month, and I am sure it does nothing but shake up our emotional and biological state of well-being.
And speaking of hormones, I feel like taking the pill is tricking my body and I am not sure it likes it. Either way, I know that studies show its safe and everything should be fine on it, but deep down my body is like, "YAY!!! PREGNANT AT LAST!!! Wait, what? We're not?" It's like having a miscarriage every month. Poor womanly parts, I still love you.
Anyways, on to pregnancy (on a roll tonight). Getting pregnant and being pregnant seem relatively easy and mediocre. However, when it come to labor and birth, I would like to skip that, please. I have good sized hips, great! But I don't care HOW big my hips are, if the canal down there is NOT baby sized, it WILL hurt like @#$%. Too bad needles scare me too. My man has a LOT of convincing to do before I will even consider having a child.
But don't get me wrong, I love children, just not when they are my responsibilty. I highly doubt my children will behave like I did (I was sneaky, but generally well-behaved). I tested limits, but I understood who was boss. I am a bit relaxed and would need paternal backup (ahem, man in my life) to be the stern voice if they don't follow by me.
And if they cry, I have no qualms about putting a drop of rum in their milk. Settlers to America drank beer instead of water because it was safer. Yep, all ages. So it's been tested and proven, and that is fine by me. But I will check into modern studies just to make sure.
Cheers, and thanks for the minute!