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How to Write or How to Make Paper Snowball Garlands
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(Read now and receive two Bonus Features: How to Craft and How to Blog.)

In order to write one needs to: arrange a selection of words into a particular order.

Yes, that’s really all there is to it.

The most difficult thing about writing is knowing which words to select and what order to put them in. Once you’ve mastered that, writing can be quite rewarding and sometimes even enjoyable.

If this simple task does not produce the prose of your fantasies, (we all have them) disassemble the words and start again. Note: this would be a good time to entertain replacing some of the words with new words. Keep some old ones, add some new ones. (Or not.) Which ones? It’s really up to you.

And voila!

Inevitably, this will be just the beginning. In most cases, this first piece of writing will prompt a series of “word selections” and “methodical arrangements” and thusly, you will be on your writerly way to an elegantly rendered, if not hypnotizing, narrative.

If several hours (weeks) have gone by and you’ve attempted this a few (47) times but you’ve yet to write a single story, page, paragraph or phrase that possesses the mellifluous quality you intended, it’s time to ask yourself some tough questions:

Have you remained indoors for more than 96 hours?

Have you worn all of the clean clothes you own?

Is your refrigerator and pantry void of anything edible?

Has your husband gone to live with his mother?

Have you received news that your daughter just got married?

Are you still matching your shoes with your handbag?

If you’ve answered “yes” to no more than four of these questions, you’re in good shape! Sit back down and give it another go! You can do it!

If you answered “yes” to the last question, well…stop doing that. It’s not fashionable anymore, and hasn’t been for a while.

If you answered “yes” to more than four, you should rip the pages of this pathetic attempt at writing from your notebook and crumble them into small paper snowballs. String these snowballs together on a length of yarn (color is optional). Hang these lovely garlands in a crisscrossing formation against a dark wall for contrast. Take a photo of these festive swags and jot down a pithy step by step “how-to” for the do-it-yourself party planner. Truth is, nothing says “instant party” like a snazzy garland of paper snowballs. Now, blog about it. Insert the photo and click the “publish” box.

Congratulations, you’re a writer! See, wasn’t that easy?

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What sacrifices have you made to write?  Or, have you ever turned your writing into a craft project, we'd love to hear about it.