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eusebio bechayda's Blog

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Jul.06.2010
  It’s been three years now since the dawn you left me. A lot of things have changed with me, and in me. And yet, the more these things change, the more I hold on to the past. I’m just scared that I’m completely lost, that I am leading a life with no promise for the future and no direction for...
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Feb.23.2009
i read and watched the novel/movie Bridges of Madison County by Robert James Waller . it is a touching experience, one which stays with you for quite some time. i felt compelled to put myself in Robert Kincaid’s shoes and write this love letter to Francesca Johnson. i hope i put justice to the...
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Feb.20.2009
i will never promise that i will love you for the longest time. what i can assure you is that i’m willing to hold you even closer when doubts in what we feel surface from time to time, until there are no more doubts and no need for false guarantees. for most of the times, the fireworks would be...
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Feb.12.2009
i lied. i’m not okay. i’m not fine. the smiles were meant to deceive you. the high spirits were conjured from the pits of my consciousness leaving me with none. i hope you’d understand. i could not show you how weak and tired i am. i could not show you how powerless i’ve become. i could not show...
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Jan.26.2009
holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent at throwing it to someone else. you burn your hands first in the process.   i’ve learned of this wisdom not so long ago. i believe in it. it seems like i could not really hurt those people whom i mean to harm, to the point where i...
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Jan.07.2009
i knew i would never be enough. i knew it the moment you said that falling for me was the farthest thing from your mind. not me. not a person who never really realized what a home is and who took refuge in his anger for the frustrations that life brought. not someone who drinks, smokes, and once...
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Jan.07.2009
you can no longer be my father. as a child, i remembered asking mama why in the world you were not with us. she said you were in saudi, working hard so that i can buy all the toys that i want. i was too young to be questioning answers at that time. and so i was fed lies upon lies, until the lies...
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Jan.07.2009
it is funny how we try to steer clear of the past in our conversations when the past is everything that we really have shared. you were never really mine. even during the times when we would text each other every night until the early hours of the morning, saying i love you in so many different...
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Jan.07.2009
i wouldn’t want to know how it happened. or why. i can still conjure a vivid image of your face laughing on that bed, one of the happier moments of a life where all roads were uphill, the days not enough for all the work to be done, the nights too short for all the worries to think about. in my...
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Jan.07.2009
we’ve talk about this before. long hours were spent trying to set me unto a path where golden opportunities await. you wanted me to maximize my potentials. you wanted me to be on top of my league. i agreed. i did, and i tried, and i succeeded, and somehow, i failed. disappointing you was the...
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Jan.07.2009
to whom it may concern,   right now, in this very moment, the cloud of despair has descended upon my soul, eating all hopes from within.   i seek reasons, i seek redemption, i seek justice, i seek peace. i seek answers to questions no one bothered to ask.   i reached out to touch the...
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Dec.29.2008
pain is a way of life. i realized this as i lay prone on the basketball court watching my knee bended in an awkward position knowing that i would never be able to play the same way again. i realized this as i stood in the middle of an empty dance floor watching her, watching until i could no longer...
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