The intangible gains are greater than the tangibles. But I still want to win. We're rounding the bend with about 30 hours left in the Red Room contest and it is VERY close.

I've done everything I can.

I've hit up my personal mailing list of friends and colleagues three or four times (and alienated some in the process). I've Facebooked, Twittered, Dugg. I've blogged daily, and sometimes twice. I've commented regularly but stayed out of the personal spats. I learned to use iMovie and made two hokey self-promotional videos. I put up 12 picture galleries, 5 short stories, and 6 podcasts.

In general, I've obsessed over it. I've checked back constantly. I've wanted it. I've worked it. I put my head down and plugged away. I followed the slogan, "Hit 'em early, hit 'em often, hit 'em hard, hit 'em again."

In the process of this, I've made friends, reconnected with old friends, had wonderful moments of surprise contact with people, feel a real part of this community.

And I've learned so much:

• That I do have the Will, the "Fire in the Belly."
• That I don't curl up and die under pressure.
• That I can unashamedly promote myself.
• That I can write 70 blogs in 60 days and still have readers, and still have "juice."
• That I have scruples -- I'm not willing to "game" the system even to win.
• That I have a lot of friends and strong communities that care about me, and will go out of their way to help me.
• That I can do it my way -- that I can be open, honest, and silly, and raw about the process of trying to win, even to writing this blog entry about what I've done, and how I feel about it.

AND:

• That I really want to win.

It's not too late. Click all over me. Go on, I like it. It feels kinda good.