where the writers are
Unresolved mysteries

In observing our three cats, we observe nearly identical daily itineraries.......

1) Sleeping: 15 hours/day

2) Staring out of windows: 8 hours/day

3) Eating: 2 minutes/day

4) Licking their naughty bits/miscellaneous grooming activities: 58 minutes/day

All of the above can be observed in lions in the wild except for item 2. Since, presumably, windows did not exist before humans, what do/did lions do with these 8 unaccounted for hours?

On perhaps a realated note.....why do all those wildlife program announcers always whisper like they're at a golf match?  Are they worried they might make an orangutan miss a putt or something?

And how about those malpractice ads?  "Have you suffered illness, injury or death as a result of taking Darnitall?  Our attorneys at TurboShyster can get you a settlment fast!"

"Dear TurboShyster.  I'm currently dead, as a result of taking Darnitall.  Do you think you can get me some cash?"


One of these days I'll have it all figured out.  I'm still learning


2 Comment count
Comment Bubble Tip

"Our cat just died."

It was summer and my wife and I had just moved to Greenwich Village from the Midwest. Our meager belongings included one very moody Siamese who immediately occupied the second floor window sill of the Bank Street brownstone I had rented. It was for the express purpose of gazing at the comings and goings of Waverly Place.

It was only a week or so later that I received the frantic phone call at my office. My wife was calling in tears. It was hot and we'd left the window open an inch too wide. The cat had slipped through and was lying dead in the bushes one flight below the window.

I grabbed a cab and when I arrived home, sure enough, there was Amenophis lying stark still among the peony bushes. I brought the body  upstairs in a towel and went next door to borrow a shovel.

When I returned the cat wasn't lying where I had left him. He was busy staring out the window, probably wondering what all the fuss was about and definitely plotting his next clever trick 

Comment Bubble Tip

You can look forward to him

You can look forward to him doing it 8 more times. :)