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Forgiveness

"Forgiveness"Do I need some counselling? Why do I have this feeling of inadequacy plaguing me whenever the word "forgiveness"is contemplated ? This feeling has been with me ever since my elder brother got married and he and the wife started this business of offending and forgiving each other in the confines of their marital arrangement. I have also contemplated other instances like militancy and amnesty, sin and pardon, sibling rivalry and the expectation on the elder to accommodate the shit from the younger. My sanity is called to question by myself because I have this belief uploaded from somewhere in my human development that for forgiveness to be true it must wear the toga of charity be impersonal as well as gratuitous. So I am forever asking myself why is my forgiveness conditional because unless I sense repentance on the part of the offender the desire to justify forgiveness is nil. This brings me back again to the observations on my elder brother's prison called marriage. This pretty but devious damsel is forever playing my brother on the emotional level being repentant when it is convenient to her well being and after securing her husband's goodwill regresses back to transgressing the norms of the requirements for a true matrimony. The husband is not unaware of his wife's escapades but puts up with the shenanigan. This is common knowledge in our community and some of his bolder friends have offered unsolicited advices on putting his home in order while out respect for both of them I keep my distance and become increasingly neurotic about it all. I wonder if the one in need here is actually myself