My smartphone informs me that I just "missed" three calls.
Sorry, callers. I was doing a bit of light cleaning around my humble abode... and the noise of the leaf-blower drowned your ringtones.
I will now close the front door, out through which some quite interesting detritus has just blown, and return your calls.
And no-- this is not a fiction-based tale. Ask my neighbors.
— Earl Merkel
Visit us at: www.earlmerkel.com
"Friend" us at: http://www.facebook.com/earl.merkel
(POSTSCRIPT: NOTE TO 'DEAR HELOISE': "Yes, it works. Quite well.
"The trick is to keep the hurricane-speed blast aimed low as one walks thru the home... and, upon successful conclusion of the initial sweep-thru, to continue to direct the jet of air toward (and thru) the propped-open front door.
"Continue until the clouds of dust, dust-bunnies, and Unwanted Possessions have been removed from mid-air suspension, 'else you'll have to dust the freakin' furniture too."
*** Such innovative genius is likely why my tenure as a newspaper advice columnist was somewhat abbreviated. Jealousy is a terrible thing.*** — EM)
(POST-POSTSCRIPT: I am now in (temporary) possession of what the label says is a "Dirt Devil/Royal Pressure-Flex 1600," the owner of which assures me that it will deliver 1,600 PSI of water.
Look out, kitchen & bathroom: I'm comin' for YOU... —EM)
(POST-POST-POSTSCRIPT: In response to a surprising outpouring of concern from Faithful Readers, let me reassure you: all this careful cleaning is not the result of my Annual Spring Breakdown... but rather, in that fine catch-all excuse for Unwise Behavior used by writers since Oog chiseled out his first freelance spec-piece: to wit, "Article Research."
I'm checking the viability of a freelance magazine pitch with the working-title of "Spring Cleaning For The Homebound Male" --and without first-hand experience in the perils & pitfalls of same... well, it might be a pretty unenlightening article, no? ([sigh] I know: I should have submitted the proposal months ago. But I did clean the place in November, thus rendering the research-timeline both useless & needless. 'Sides, there's always next year, eh?)
So rest easy, Faithful Readers. All is --more or less, anyway-- well.
Now-- where did I put that pneumatic paint-sprayer? It's time to fire up the compressor, mix up the bleach, ammonia and hydrochloric acid... and get to work on that toilet... — EM)