In the interests of full disclosure and postscript'd contrition, I hereby confess that during my competitive-writing days, I... I... well, I used steroids.
But in my defense, it was just because all the other writers were juicin' on talent. I had to somehow stay competitive, don'cha see??!!?
To demonstrate my Sincere Regret, I am reluctantly willing to be interviewed by Ms. Winfrey at her earliest convenience. Not for the publicity and resulting book-sales (both of my back-list titles and that nifty Confessional Testament I'm first-drafting as we speak) but for the sake of simple, humble honesty.
(Oprah --if I may call you that, now that we're co-conspirators-- you may contact me to arrange scheduling thru my Long-Suffering Agent, Ms. Kimberley Cameron Brody. She's eagerly standing by, awaiting your call.)
-- Earl Merkel