Make no Judgment where you have no compassion...Anne McCaffey
Anna was in our home quite a bit, more often than ever. She talked about Dian and how she wanted to be with her. Debra was too butch, not her type.
This broke my heart - if you can believe it. I actually started to think of what all our lives would be like without Debra. I talked to Anna about this concern and she tried to placate any of these concerns by saying Debra would always be a part of our lives. It was as if I were talking to a parent about how divorce would affect their children.
Debra spent an unusual amount of time on the phone with me. Things were different then, I would have been lucky to have had a 3 pound portable phone, much less a credit card sized cell. Her calls interfered with my work. Per usual, I was concerned about hurting her feelings, so I stayed on the line and talked with her.
She mirrored Anna’s feelings.
“Anna is not fem enough” That sent chills down my spine. The word Fem sounded creepy, as did "lover". I didn't even refer to my husband as "lover" not even other men I hade been wtih. I was not familiar or comfortable with this sort of talk. I felt like I needed to go to church every time they talked to me like that. And I needed to drag them with me.
But I never said a derogatory word to her.
Then the weekend I brought up in an earlier post, we all were to go to Galveston.
Debra asked Anna to discuss my son’s grades with me.
I was incredulous. She had gone too far. These were not her children. I appreciated her concern, but it was a family matter.
Debra was cool, aloof when we met to start our caravan. I was miffed myself that she was asking all this so personally. She was more concerned than Jack, and I took that to be her ambivalance towards men. Being a lesbian and all...
When we arrived in Freeport, everyone seemed to have forgotten the earlier altercations. But Debra seemed very attuned to Jack's treatment of me and the children. If he made a sexist remark, Debra would rebuke him.
Debra and Anna brought three-wheelers and everyone had a chance to play on the dunes trying not to kill themselves. Debra grabbed Devo and I got “crazy mother hen” angry. So Debra came and seized me and flung me on the back of the vehicle. Before I knew it my hair was tangling in the breeze and I shrieked.
I refer to my hair because it was to the back of my knees and it easily could have gotten entangled in the wheels.
I had one hand grabbing my hair to keep my neck from snapping and the other around her waist. I was almost thrown off so many times I cannot count. Debra once again, reached for my hand to steady my position on the back of the bike.
Then she stopped, turned around, laughed and said “Now that wasn’t so terrible”
I jumped off wiping the sand from my body and turning loose what appeared to be dread locks. I was shaking. Fear of dying maybe?
“Why do you and Anna insist on keeping that hair?” She asked (Because we look good in naked snapshots together, I thought. or maybe just to spite you. How about I DON'T WANT TO LOOK LIKE A DYKE!)
Anna and I were often mistaken from each other from the back. We were both always complimented on our beautiful hair.
“Devo is too small for this” I said “Haven’t you seen the news?”
“That’s nothing’ but a lot of bullshit” she said “these vehicles are just as safe as four-wheelers” she went on "We let Trey drive it all the time"
Someone needed to slap her. Not me, she was too big for me. I'd have to hire someone. I'll get on that tomorrow.
As I got to know her better over time, I would see her sculpt many situations to abide her determined efforts.
She offered me a cigarette. I just looked at her. "Oh, that's right, you don't smoke" she smiled complacently "at least you don't smoke this"
OKAY, I'm gonna slap her, my bone structure be damned.
She lit her cigarette, tossed her head aside to blow the smoke away from my face, then slowly looked back toward my direction, but not directly at me.
"So did you enjoy Kindred Spirits"
"Yes, I forgot to thank you and Anna, it was fun" I apologized.
She looked at me without turning her head, she was sitting half on, half off the bike, a pose I would often see her in, her left arm across her legs as she held the cigarette in her right hand. She smiled in a knowing way, as if she had some great secret. She was cute. Kind of suave.
"Are you going to go back" she asked.
"I don't know, I don't think so" I was certain.
"Next time we'll go to the Ranch"
As if there was going to be a next time.
Before I could respond she turned around and scanned the horizon. Then walked the few steps to me, while still looking at the beach where everyone was. She slowly turned to me as she got so close, barely a whisper between us. She brushed the sand from my shoulder.
"You're going to be burned" Ever the concerned Debra, "We'll need to put some Noxzema on that"
The thought of her touching me like that was suddenly not such a foreign concept. WHAT, fuck...I shook my head to get those thoughts out on the ground so I could grind them into the sand, where they belonged.
Where the hell was she coming from? How dare she? I am married. And straight. I go to church. I shop at Rice. I don't do women. This must be a “lesbian” thing. Flirt with the West U. Mom with the 2+ children, house, car and husband with a 6 figure income.
I was so sick of my life at that point. The money the house, everything was comfortable and wonderful. But it was not exciting. And is exciting all it's cracked up to be?
In the past, when Jackie had deserted me at home for days, I didn't drive, so I was basically stuck there, I would get someone, a man, in my sights and play him until I was tired. One such man, Randy R. stood below my window and beckoned me in front of my neighbors God and all the world, to come out, bring my small son and he was going to take me away to Florida. He made it clear I would see him no more. And I didn't.
Then there's a wonderful guy, Tom T., very shy, long hair, unbelievable body. He lived in the apartment above us with his deranged roommate Pete. One Saturday, I simply brushed by him while he was smoking a bong at my bar/counter. The sparks flew. I never pictured myself with him. He was the good Samaritan type, actually got a raise and promotion at his job when, passing a stranded motorist, he stopped and helped him, even though he was late. He told the guy he was probably going to be fired, but he could not let someone just sit there. It turned out to be the owner of his company. Which he found out by the end of his day.
As I was jabbering about, Tom and I ended up ... well you know. I thought this was just a a dalliance, but I will confess, I played him. I would go into his apartment that he left unlocked, during the day and put my perfume on his pillow. I know, mega bad.
I thought it did nothing, yet one day, while neighbors Nancy, Glenda, Katie and my best friends, Mary Schubert and Debbie and I were getting stoned and dressed for the pool, Tom uncharacteristically came barging through the door and grabbed me. The women though shocked were titillated as well. Tom was not to be ignored and summarily dismissed them. He threw me over his shoulder and took me to the bedroom. I was in a panic, Jackie was due home. But, I left that up to fate. Jackie didn't come home for 2 days.
Tom packed up his Volkswagen "Thing" and left for Grand Junction Colorado. He was also determined, and fed up. He left, haven't seen him. I called him once. He changed his phone number. And in California, Jackie and I were there when he was at school for National Semi-conductor. I sat poolside with several other ladies. A longhaired hunky do came over, asked for my camera and took a picture of me???? He sat and talked to us a couple of days in a row. On the third day, I got a page from the front desk "Dianne Lindsey, you have a guest waiting for you." The ladies looked at me puzzled, but I was a quizzical as they.
I went to the front desk, and there was no guest, just tickets, for me and my son, and a note "Come to Huntsville (California), you won't regret it". I laughed it off. Yet this guy was serious. He called the front desk at the same time. Mind you, I did not know him, and he did not know me, carnally or otherwise.
My husband got word, and I was damaged goods for several days. He didn't believe I was not involved with the guy, though my comings and goings were verified by the other wives.
So this little game of Debra's seemed to be just that. Anna must have told her about my flirtations and she was going to tease me and probably let me have it with both barrels. As for anything but that, I did not have any inclination about something deeper.
If it went any further, she would be smart to not invest herself. If Anna divulged it all, the bottom line is, I am still with my husband, through all those indiscretions.
Beginning of Book
Yes, this is absolutely positively true. If you lived this wouldn't you write about it? Some of the names of characters in this blog are fictitious. This is an account of actual events. Some of the events have been compiled together for the flow of the story. Even when I read my own work, I wonder how it could be so. But if you study your own life and compartmentalize it into less than 200 pages, you would be surprised how interesting it really is!
TRUTH HAS WITNESSES (Dianne Lindsey) This material is the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author. All rights reserved ©