"A coward is incapable of exhibiting love; it is the prerogative of the brave. "
Bootsie was angry, devastated that after everything we had been together, I chose Mel. She used every meritable cause to prove she could be a good parent, but the die had been cast. I never even asked Devo if we should reconsider. Besides, I am a mother and I knew absolutely better. My last relationship began with one of my children’s choices and in the end, it was not good for them.
We all came to the same decision and the tribe voted Mel in. But I have no idea why she found it necessary to lie with the “Taking me for a romantic picnic” crap? Bootsie could not have been any more angry and hurt.
The first time I had been with Mel, it was at a beautiful hotel. As I would come to find out, she LOVED hotels, she loved room service, and for making $12 an hour, she could spend 12 times that in the same amount of time. Mel also like pretenses. Clothes, cars, even the most expensive and prestigious animals.
She spent a lot on me that day.
But I returned to Wendy, and the prior chapter explains what happened there and Mel’s definitive pairing with me.
Mel had the most beautiful skin, translucent almost. When people would talk about skin colors and politically correct assuages, I would say Mel was “clear”. She was always dressed with tediously pressed clothing, her hair was in a buzz cut. She was once told by a window attendant that “it is a brave hairdo”. Most often, this situation would be the one where she was called sir.
The second time Mel and I were together was at her friend Nancy’s S. house. Nancy was away at the RENFair working that day, setting up for the future season.
Mel put on “Longer” by Dan Fogelburg, and that became our song. We made love for hours. Mel was - at every moment - stunned that she would take an afternoon off work to do ANYTHING but shop. We watched Boxing Helena and 9 ½ weeks, which she found a but unsettling, but not enough to keep her off my body. I feel asleep with her watching me, woke up several hours later and she was in the same position, just staring.
“I was afraid to go to sleep for fear you would disappear” she whispered into my hair kissing my neck and face, making love again.
She pressured me to let her move in. She said Nancy was difficult to live with and it was only to be temporary. I thought about this, but not long enough. I let her move in immediately. Everything finally seemed right with the world…finally.
It wasn’t like it was with Debra. That was not going to happen twice in a lifetime. Our passion held it’s own merit and Mel learned much about herself during our lovemaking
I was attracted to everything about Mel. The way she looked, her demeanor which was very cool and calculated. She evaluated everything around her to find out where she fell in the food chain. She was controlling, but I am attracted to that as well. It’s not P.I. but don’t expect me at this point to become someone different than I am. Normal is nothing more than a cycle on a washing machine.
I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. (Kurt Cobain).
She had her quirks as I would come to find out. I could NEVER make the first move sexually. The repression of these women! And maybe it would have been that way eventually with Debra, but everything was so reciprocal when we would meet, the savage sensuality had a life of it’s own. And it made all the decisions. Debra and I never took the time to discuss it. What amazes me is Anna said that they never had a love life like that. Most of the people I have been with have said that making love with me was different than anything they had experienced. At the same time, every one of these people I felt different with each one, so, I guess, I felt THEY were bringing the sensuality - not I. Isn’t that really what makes a good lover? Her partner?
With ALL my partners, I received great satisfaction in being the wife. When I was with my husbands, neither of them lacked for anything, nor would they be saddled with chores of co-parenting when they got home. I know, that may have not been the right decision, but it worked at the time. In order to add to the income, I also babysat. And I was very popular. Mothers cried when I moved. Cessie Sanchez, Anthony Fernandez, they were two little people I miss even now. And I was eternally grateful to be able to raise my own children. Breastfeed, Devo for 18 months, the oldest for 9 months and Trey for 3 (father-in-law interference just made it too difficult).
And meals were prepared and hot.
When I was with Bootsie, the few short weeks we made an attempt to be together, she worked till 3am. When she came home I would have stuffed crab, Stuffed Mushroom, a perfect steak, even homemade rueben sandwiches, cake, pastries, pies.
Mel enjoyed the same even though her pallet was a little crude. Mel came from a family where gravy was a beverage. Now it would seem this would be easy, but I loved to cook, experiment and see the delight in other’s eyes. She didn’t like cheese, sour cream, regular chocolate, pasta, very seldom pizza. She loved fruitcake, candy corn, ribbon candy and extra dark chocolate (almost identical to ex-lax).
And finally, very controlling. I said that already. Didn’t I? She was constantly calling me at my job, making certain she knew my every move. This would drive her to distraction. Me, I was used to it. I had never been with anyone who wasn’t.
An example of how this would play out; Mel had several awards and certificated from her days in the Coast Guard. I felt it was a shame to have them in tubs locked away. She earned them, she deserved to have them on Display. I searched stores for hours after work to find just the right frames and mats. I also had several of her pictures blown up. This task was so much fun. But steadily as the days went by, Mel became sullen and removed. Finally one night she came home in tears asking for a “we gotta talk” meeting. Don’t you just love those?
“Are you cheating on me” She wrung her hands looking down at her feet.
“What? Are you crazy? I have never been this happy, why would I destroy this?”
“I know you are saying it is something special for me” She continued “but it has been quite a while, and I don’t know, it just seems suspicious”
So I had to spoil this beautiful gift by bringing her into the spare bedroom and letting her see all the awards, letter and pictures lying about in decision the making stage. Over 50 in all. Mel was properly apologetic. And then all was well with the world.
Devo was graduating middle school when Mel and I got together. And that was our first family function. And it was delightful.
I was working in the architectural industry. By working, I mean 60 to 80 hour weeks; this was the determining point of my ex-partners. I was physically unavailable thus emotionally unavailable.
There was something about Mel that made me want to adopt the characteristics of my former life. "The straight life." A life where my husband worked outside of the home, I worked inside the home. I kept house, cooked everyday, made clothing and was a sexual dynamo.
I also had a thriving artistic life. I was in several Art shows, my paintings and hangings going for up to $1000 a piece.
I brought to my gay relationships from my married life, Art and cooking. oh ... and the sex. Ummm and... a home, cash, resume maker and a car. Almost everyone got a car only weeks before they left.
My house had to be a specific way, whether it was me, Mel, my daughter or a housekeeper. For the most part, it was me. I had received many wonderful gifts over the last decades and I treasured each and everyone.
So what was the difference between those days and this new relationship? I felt differently. Mel made me feel like I wanted to take care of her. She said we were forever. How was I to distinguish love from lust? I liked the way she walked, talked and made me feel. I believed everything she said, agreed to everything she did. She told me she would teach me that love did not have to hurt.
She kept the bills, the first time EVER that someone in my life was allowed to do this. It was a relief. I simply signed my checks and that was that. I made twice as much if not three times as much as she did.
In return, I would get up at 2am, make her dinner and stay up with her until she went to sleep. Most nights she would come in, get her dinner that I made her and turn on the TV. It did not matter if I had to go to work in a couple of hours. I never complained. It was around this time that the raw truth found its way to the top and my first pang of fear and doubt.
Meantime, a new revelation about Mel was to reveal itself, for the bad? Or for the good?
Beginning of Book
Yes, this is absolutely positively true. If you lived this wouldn't you write about it? Some of the names of characters in this blog are fictitious. This is an account of actual events. Some of the events have been compiled together for the flow of the story. Even when I read my own work, I wonder how it could be so. But if you study your own life and compartmentalize it into less than 200 pages, you would be surprised how interesting it really is!
TRUTH HAS WITNESSES (Dianne Lindsey) This material is the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author. All rights reserved ©