June 21 1986
The children were tucked away safely in their grandma and grandpa's car, while Anna and I accompanied Debra. There was only room for us in the cab, no back seat in trucks at that time.
Anna had me sit in the middle next to Debra.
The entire trip my bare thigh was against Debra's, ... and Anna's. I could not understand why Debra did not feel even a modicum of guilt. Anna chattered away next to us, happy in the day, always delighted to have me with. My affections were torn. I loved so many people at that time. I will always love my children, Anna, and Lee. (Let’s just leave Jack out of this)
Music played, Anna and Debra exchanged banter while I was trying to piece together what happened this weekend, what was happening at that moment and what was going to come.
Jackie was on a plane to Chicago and much to Debra's delight. She had another 2 weeks to perform her magic.
This was no longer a minor dalliance. This was a full-blown trip to another planet, no turning back. Debra had no intention of giving any of this up. I watched Anna's face animate with the funny stories she told of days past. Stories I would have delighted in. But they seemed like tales of another person's life. Not mine; I was not that person Anna regarded so highly.
The following weeks were fraught with tears, arguments, determination to stop, inability to do so.
The children were unaware as Debra had her ways with them, taking them where they wanted, giving in to their every wish. And Anna too happy to accommodate.
I spent this time in deep self evaluation. I had to stop sitting on the fence. Everyday was one more period of fear, excitement, and deception.
Anna had a surprise birthday party for me at Kindred Spirits. She invited several of their friends, people I had become newly aquanted; Sabrina, Cynthia, Melanie and a special guest.
I was not aware of this party. Debra had been chauffeuring me about, keeping the festivities under wraps. I tried to convince her to go back to the house. I was now in the position of a yearning temptress, wanting her to be with me and in me always. When she talked to me I felt safe, when she touched me I felt loved and when she loved me I felt powerless.
We were stopped at a train crossing on Richmond, close to KS. The train crawled by so slowly, she became irritated. At that point, I realized something was in the works. Usually these interludes were stolen moments for us to take advantage. She was not receptive and I was immediately suspicious. The train finally came to an end, when another started from the other direction.
"JESUS CHRIST!!" Debra was exasperated.
"What's wrong?" I asked, "We aren't in any great hurry to get anywhere!"
"Yes we are."
I glanced over and she had a slight grin.
"Ok, Debra, what's up?"
"I don't want to spoil it" She smiled at me.
But she just did. Not really spoiled it, but please, am I an idiot? Wait. Don't answer that.
It was early so the club was not in full swing yet. I immediately spotted the balloons, festive tablecloth; packages piled high, all Debra and Anna’s friends, Bootsie of course, standing to the side and back, as if waiting to seat a celebrity. And Nanook, my best friend of 10 years (at that time).
I was ecstatic to see her. Nanook could always melt away my fears with her sweet smile and sensible sarcasm. I anticipated her arrival soon, in light of the status of my sexuality. She looked beautiful as ever and enjoyed the flirtations of the women around her.
The night was fabulous, I danced with everyone
Anna noted that "straight women" sure do know how to dance... with each other. Debra was not quite as amused. She leaned against the wall, one hand in her pocket, the other holding her cigarette. I don't care how controversial this is, Debra, smoking a cigarette, exuded sexuality. Nanook was quite pleased with her selection. Quite pleased with herself. Pleased with everything
I cannot sleep, I'm your possession unopened at your feet
There is no balance, no equality ... Be still.. I will not accept defeat Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?
There is no balance, no equality ... Be still.. I will not accept defeat
Who do you want me to be to make you sleep with me?
That's not an issue" Anna reiterated the song's lyrics. "She is sleeping with you anyhow." This statement was directed at me.
"Happy Birthday, Dadita" Anna wrapped her arms around both of us, and winked.
The sound of broken glass interrupted this wonderful moment as Debra casually put her cigarette out and reached to clean up the mess she created. Bootsie was there in seconds.
"Leave it alone, Barbra" she gathered up as much as she could by hand and started towards the back bar.
"Debra, it's Debra" But Booter was already gone "She knows that, that bitch" Debra's eyes never left mine
Bootsie made it a very special night with her attention to every detail. Bootsie didn't dance, at least not with others. She apologized for this, but made a way to get close to me with a whisper in every drink.
We all closed the club and resumed social activity at House of Pies.
House of Pies is located on Kirby Avenue in the River Oaks district of Houston. This area is known for its luxurious homes, celebrity status and Azaleas.
When Jackie and I first arrived in Houston, we researched the activities of the area and the Azalea parade was a must see event.
It did not fail to live up to these expectations. Every home, mansion, had manicured lawns and a vast array of Azalea types, colors and layout.
The River Oaks area also has a history of crime associated with the passions of money.
Blood and Money about John Hill who killed his wife with a delicious mixture of puss, feces and other spices Put into a Petrie dish. And of course, the new book The monster in river-oaks is selling out very quickly. House of pies is located on Kirby Avenue in the River Oaks district of Houston. This area is known for its luxurious homes, celebrity status and Azaleas. And mercenary crime.
When Jackie and I first arrived in Houston, we researched the activities of the area and the River Oaks Azalea Trail was a must see event. It did not fail to live up to these expectations. Every home, mansion, had manicured lawns and a vast array of Azalea types, colors and layout.
House of Pies was in fact a meeting place for collaboration of some of these crimes. But for the gay community, it is simply a place to continue socializing without recrimination, after hours. And it had the best French Silk pie you could ever imagine! Their claim to fame? The original design for the Compaq PC was designed on a napkin from House of Pies. Oh yes, and their French silk pie.
We were feeling the evenings drink and enjoyed a hearty breakfast before we retreated to our home, or home stays.
Nanook and I slept together in Anna and Debra's bed, but not without a stern warning from Debra.
However, Anna made certain Debra stayed clear of our room. She looked in on us a few times and later I found out she took a picture of Nanook and I asleep, naked and... Nanook's husband accused me of getting her pregnant, twice. Each time she got pregnant, she had just been with me. So all the gay-bashers who say God did not mean for two women to be together because we cannot procreate. ....
Unfortunately, as far as Nanook was concerned, my newly acquired skills were not perpetuated beyond the reach of Debra.
She knew simply by the fact that every tine I talked to her, I would call her Debra
Nanook left for home and her new husband, carrying her oldest son.
Life continued with the same level of absurd commitment to a future with Debra, me, and the children.
As the days passed, the nights moved with shadows and forbidden pleasures. There is no explaining what your imagination could make you see and feel.
But the inevitable came knocking, tearing down the door. I had to go home. Jackie was due back and he was not going to settle for my absence with the excuse of it being innocent company at his sister's.
Debra insisted on taking me home the final evening. Anna agreed, but seemed to be preoccupied with an agenda she and Debra had cooked up.
The drive was kept light with the children teasing each other, Debra teasing them. She said little to me. I was grateful. This was going to be difficult enough without experiencing further discord from her. She stopped while in route to get the kids something from McDonalds. They played in the rec area while we sat in the dining area.
“Are you okay Debra?”
“Yeah. Sure. Why?” dripping with sarcasm. “I am overjoyed to bring you to Jackie, while I sit at home wondering what you are doing”
“You know what I’ll be doing…” the kids interrupted. Debra gathered up their chicken fingers, fries, coke and other non-nutritional items, and headed out the door. This was the first time I had ever seen her walk in front of me, and the children. She was always thoughtful and hung back, opening the door for others.
She drove in through the back drive, into the garage using the opener she had taken from my car.
I was happy to be in my spacious house and I know the kids were going to feel a lot more comfortable. Debra helped the kids with their things.. and mine. Devo and Trey ran up the stairs and out of sight.
Debra followed me into the bedroom.
She sat on the bed and beckoned me. I approached her tentatively, both of us resigning to the reality. I stood holding her against my chest,, her arms wrapped around my waist, burying her head in my stomach. She started to cry. I had never seen her cry. My heart broke, hers was breaking.
Suddenly she pushed me away, got up and swiftly left the room. I stood there. I didn't turn. I didn't want to know she was going for good. I could hear the bantering of the kids, the dog barking, familiar noise. Everything became quiet, unsettling. I sat on the bed and waited for my own tears.
The door was pushed open and I could see the corner of a box, and then Debra. She threw the box to the floor and went in my closet. Clothes were flying. She said nothing. The kids came running down the stairs.
"Debra, what should we bring" They were excited. I was stunned. It seemed everyone knew. But me.
Beginning of Book
Yes, this is absolutely positively true. If you lived this wouldn't you write about it? Some of the names of characters in this blog are fictitious. This is an account of actual events. Some of the events have been compiled together for the flow of the story. Even when I read my own work, I wonder how it could be so. But if you study your own life and compartmentalize it into less than 200 pages, you would be surprised how interesting it really is!
TRUTH HAS WITNESSES (Dianne Lindsey) This material is the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author. All rights reserved ©