Practically all the relationships I know are based on a foundation of lies and mutually accepted delusion. Kim Cattrall
There was a light tapping, and then a determined knock. I reached over to shake Jackie. I was exhausted and not intending to entertain before my first cup of coffee.
The spot next to me was empty. Exasperated I grabbed my t-shirt off the floor, pulling my hair through as it knotted in the collar. I peeked in the bathroom but nope, no one there. I went to the door before it opened automatically with the force of the visitor determined to see me.
As another knock was about to hit the door, I opened it and almost got punched in the eye.
It was Anna.
"C'mon, get up."
"What time is it Anna"
She looked at her watch, "it's eight thirty already."
"You say that like it is late!" I turned and headed for the bathroom, something else needed my attention. I didn't bother to close the door.
"Is she here?" Debra had come in. Anna quickly closed the door.
"Di, are you ready yet?" Debra sing singy tone made me laugh. Though I should not find her innocent guessing game to be. After all, she and I both knew I was not ready and she knew why.
I washed my hands and opened the door.
"Don't you remember?" Anna explained, "He had to go back to Chicago, he left about 4am"
"Yeah, okay. What the hell are you guys doing up so early" I should be used to this by now, Debra never wasted a moment. early up every morning no matter what the night before served.
"C'mon" Debra whispered and laughed, "Jack Sr. is hot. Security has been all over this floor looking for the culprits in last night’s balloon bombing"
Anna was rifling through my things, stood back and just stared at the mess in the suitcase that was once a tidy pile of cloths. She then turned to the bathroom, saw my bathing suit and told me to put it on. She grabbed a pair of shorts and tossed them to me.
"We're going to go over to the rocks across the street before he finds us.
"And what then, Anna" I did not want to face Jack's wrath, but it was inevitable. And denial works most times. "Did he take Jackie to the Airport?"
"Yeah" Anna replied "I heard them talking in the hallway. He chewed Jackie out, but Jackie acted like he knew nothing about it and told Daddy to fuck himself"
"Nice language Anna, you know he didn't say that to his dad." I pulled the shorts over my suit and slipped on my sandals. "So what are we going to say?"
"The same thing, obviously" Anna peaked through the eye hole "No one there, let's go"
If we are feigning innocence, why are we leaving?"
"Because I choose to start my mornings without arguing with my father" Anna opened the door and looked both ways.
"C'mon" she whispered as she waved us through.
Debra put her arm around my waist to lead me out the door. I took her hand and pulled it away. Debra always did this with me, so Anna would not have been alarmed, but, somehow, this was different. We were getting careless in our engagements and I did not have the cardiac fortitude to have another day like yesterday.
We all walked as casually, quietly as we possible, down the hall.
I could here Devo chuckle in her musical tone that made everyone want to laugh with her. Except Trey. He was admonishing her for some tactical error she made playing a game.
Suddenly, her voice got clearer. We were to the end of the hall
"Stop!" It was Jack. We were thwarted yet again. And there went the palpitations. If it wasn't one thing then another. I felt like I was in perpetual trouble, trying to explain things.
We all turned around in unison. Anna was slightly behind me and grabbed my hair pulling it. That meant I was to stick to our story.
"I want to talk to your girls" Who was Jack calling a Girl? I mean, c'mon, look at Debra
"Come right back here." Jack looked around the hallway to make certain we were not causing disruption for the other guest. He was the one yelling.
We head towards the room, all three of us avoiding eye contact and acting as blasé as we could. If I knew how to whistle, I swear I would have. I think Debra did. Anna could hardly sustain her snickers.
"Where were you girls last night" Jack asked.
We all answered in unison. And we weren't lying.
"Let me rephrase that" he continued" "what were you doing?"
And before we could answer, "Before you say anything, I want you to know, I talked to Jackie.
Fuck, we know Jackie did not come clean, but what did he say we were doing?
We should have voted for a spokesperson among us, we all three started telling stories. Anna put her hand on both our backs and we got the message and were thankful for it.
"Daddy, we ran into Jackie while we were in the arcade. It closed at midnight and he and Debra wanted to go out for a smoke.
It turned out, as we later found out, our story gelled perfectly with his. However, Jack was not to be duped that easy. He looked at me.
"You have children here. If one of them were at a high school function, dressed in formal wear that I will assuredly be paying for, would you not be upset if they were ambushed with balloons?" He started jingling his keys in his pocket.
"Now girls" Lee started with that Italian accent, sharp on the consonants "If you did this last night, please, don't do something like that again." She could hardly sustain a laugh. Lee always found our antics to be innocently childish.
Jack, on the other hand,..."I am paying for your stay here. I would like to come back here again"
Then perhaps you shouldn't want to know. Nothing would be gained. He turned on his heel and went into the bathroom.
"You Stay Out Of Trouble!" Lee put her arms around Anna’s waist and mine and heralded us out the door. "Have fun, where were you going?"
"We were gonna go across the street to the rock pier." Anna informed all of us.
"Aren't you going to eat?" Lee always worried people didn’t eat.
Eating is a way of life for Italians. "There's a buffet downstairs, get yourself something and just leave it on daddy's bill."
At that Jack came out "Put what on my bill?"
"Never mind Jack, I took care of it." Lee is Awesome,
And Debra was not one to miss a meal. A free meal. And a buffet. So we headed to the dining room, but not before grabbing shirts.
No shoes, no shirt, no business.
The dining room was packed, but the minute we walked through the passageway, it got silent. it tended to do that when Debra entered a room. This happened quite often, but it was more upsetting to me now. Debra didn't seem to mind. The waiter got our drinks as we made our way to the brunch wares. Anna grabbed a newspaper that was left on the counter. Chernobyl was emblazoned across the banner headline.
What can happen next? Revelations never mentioned, "You will have a careless same sex relationship as a nuclear plant explodes.
That is exactly what this felt like, the book of days. Please dear God, make me come to my senses before I go to hell.
We finished our meal and Anna signed the check leaving the waiter a tidy tip. More than 20% AND IT WAS A BUFFET! So much easier to be generous with someone else’s Money.
We headed across the road as cars flew by, making their way to Stewarts beach. Splash day, official opening of Galveston beaches had just been the week before. People came in droves. Nuclear waste cloud be damned. I could not help but stare at the sky, waiting for a solid load of airplane waste to pummel my noggin.
We made it, but danced among the cars like the Mario brothers.
The rock pier was beautiful. It was about 18 feet wide and a block and a half long. The rocks were slimy from the sea grass and one had to be careful while walking. Debra held me by the elbow and Anna had her arm around my waist. This was thoroughly ridiculous. What more could a woman want? As it went, I am a klutz and they knew it. Those rocks could do some major damage.
We got to the end, sat down on the rare flat stone and made small talk about the events of the day. A quick "whoosh" as we wiped our brows and thanked Anna for the bailout.
Anna lowered herself down the rocks to the water to put her feet in. The water at that point was very deep and if you fell in, there are tides that could swallow you. In addition, it was early; sharks could be reading their menu from where we were. We were today’s catch.
"Anna, please, don't," I cried
"She'll be fine, let her go" Debra pulled me closer.
"Are you going to go after her?” I asked, “Because you know I am useless.”
"I know, I'd have to be saving both of you"
Suddenly, Anna was no place to be seen. I got up, Debra followed and before I could take a step I slipped, fell, and was rewarded with a gash on the bottom of my foot. My sandal went flying into the water. Anna's head popped up, she was right next to us all the time. I was grateful for the injury. Had it not happened I am sure Debra and I would have engaged in some tomfoolery and Anna would have propelled me to the drink.
"Dadita, don't stand up. Just sit there, I am going g to get something for that" Anna got up and with amazingly steady feet; she headed back to the Galvez, "Stay here and make sure she doesn't move Deb."
"Don’t worry, I will" She was without a doubt one of the most convincing of adulterers.
Anna dodged the traffic, and made it into the hotel unscathed. Debra pulled me to her with her arm around my back and let me fall back. She changed tempo and was very serious.
"What happened last night?”
"Debra, please, nothing. I can't be a wife to Jackie any longer. It really doesn't matter what happens with us." I explained, "This has changed me"
“Changed you how?" Debra was suddenly very hurt, and concerned.
I felt it and knew I needed to regroup, Anna would be back and I hated these stalemates, when Deb and I would start a serious discourse, only to be interrupted, causing one or both of us to stew.
"Debra, please, you can't be serious." I continued, "I am not the same person I was before all this"
"If you aren't with me, than whom?' Debra asked "With another man?"
"No, I have no idea what will happen, but I can assure you, it will not be another man" So there it was. I had made up my mind. I was either officially gay, or officially celibate.
Debra was apprehensive. She made her feelings known in spades, she asked me to please, just love her for now and be patient while she sorted it all out
How could I deny such an impassioned plea?
She knew that if I continued to stay with Jackie, she would know where I was and what I was doing. However, if I did stay with him, he had rights. This was something detestable to her. If I decided to end it with him, we both agreed the fallout of her and I being together would be catastrophic. At the same time, she could not fathom me being with another woman. In some ways, she felt that would be worse. I never knew exactly what she wanted. I felt like I was in limbo. I wanted her to commit. She wanted Anna to find someone else, so Anna would endorse our being together and perhaps the rest of the family would take the shock of this situation a bit easier. However, my family was another story and I was certain they would not accept this.
Debra guided me to the end of the pier so she could be more intimate with our conversation. I looked back at the hotel and saw Jack standing in the window of his room.
"Shit, Debra, Jack is watching us"
"That's not Jack, how do you know it's Jack?" she squinted her eyes shading them as she looked up to the room.
Whomever it was had gone. Nevertheless, I was certain. In addition, scared. Of all people, he would be the vilest; he would most certainly take the kids. He would love to uncover some awful truth about me and take custody. I was immediately fearful.
But as I looked at Debra, back to the hotel where Jack had been keeping watch and at Anna crossing the street, I felt like a piece of driftwood, lying on the beach, not belonging to the sea or the land. Discarded by both. I shuttered with the fear of abandonment, which, most certainly be the outcome.
Ann made her way to us with bandages and all sorts of medical aide. Lee was always prepared.
"Momma wanted to come, but I told her I didn't need to be scraping both of you off this walk." Anna started applying anything in her package that brought a sting. Italians felt that if it didn't sting, it wasn't working.
"Daddy tried to see where you were, but he said he couldn't find you"
I shot a quick questioning glare to Debra; she shrugged her shoulders, took a drag from her cigarette and stared at the horizon.
My life was in a state of disrepair. Couldn’t she see? Was she that much in love, or just that determined? Were there no boundaries she would not breach? What was to happen to all of us when this was found out? And it certainly would be discovered. The level of our passion was no longer intangible, but a solid mass of self-serving destruction.
I know I shouldn't blame her. I was a part of this. But damnit, If seduction is used, it is not the responsibility of the aggressor?
I wanted to leave all this, everything. Go somewhere else. Whatever it would take. That is where I wanted to be.
One day I'll fly away, and leave all of this to yesterday
Beginning of Book
Yes, this is absolutely positively true. If you lived this wouldn't you write about it? Some of the names of characters in this blog are fictitious. This is an account of actual events. Some of the events have been compiled together for the flow of the story. Even when I read my own work, I wonder how it could be so. But if you study your own life and compartmentalize it into less than 200 pages, you would be surprised how interesting it really is!
TRUTH HAS WITNESSES (Dianne Lindsey) This material is the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author. All rights reserved ©