"I have never known a more vulgar expression of betrayal and deceit." Lucien Bouchard
It was as if Mel truly wanted me dead. And I felt that by killing myself I was improving the gene pool by removing myself from it. So we were both in agreement.
Soon came to find out she wanted me to stay in New Hampshire.
Yep, she thought I contacted everyone.
I made my last humiliating phone call:
I was crying, again, hysterically. I had tried twice more to take an overdose, and begrudgingly opened my eyes to find I had yet another day to face. God wasn’t having any of it, because certainly I should have died.
Finally, an appropriate response. Mel had not called him. And in retrospect I think he would have preferred she did. At the same time, I know Jerry. Yes I thought I knew all those other people, but Jerry, no he’s different, and soon he would prove that.
After hearing the story, he was both surprised and disgusted. He actually said he thought Mel would do this a lot sooner. He was friends with people who knew her personally. One friend was Clay Howell, who apparently only had horrific stories to tell, and Juli, he ex-lover, also a singer, who despised and loathed Mel so much, she threatened to never speak to Jerry again if Mel was in his life.
Thankfully I had an ally, someone untainted.
He made arrangements to have a ticket waiting for me the next day making certain I had transportation. He told me I would be staying with him and Bobby until I could get on my feet. I didn’t have the courage to tell him that may never happen.
I knew by making this step I would remove myself from Mel and any chance of us becoming lovers ever again.
I called Mel:
“I am going to Texas.”
“WHAT?” she was both surprised and sounded a bit upset. “How are you going to get there?”
I told her that SHE was going to drive me to the airport and that Jerry had a ticket waiting for me. I was going to live with him.
She actually got angry “I thought you said you would never leave New Hampshire. You said you loved it here.”
“Well, guess what? You changed all that didn’t you. I do not have options.”
The next evening she was there to pick me up. She saw my arm in a sling, with a deep black band of bruising from my shoulder to my elbow and wrapped around.
“Oh My GOD, who did that to you” as she reached to touch my arm “I am going to kick their...”
“WHAT. You are going to WHAT? You don’t give a shit about me, keep your hands off me.”
Can you believe that? She actually acted as if she still had sole ownership of me.
She arrived in her niece’s car. She claimed hers had been in an accident. However, later I found out she had traded it in for a more prestigious model. She had no idea but I had friends at her work. People I never thought would even care.
One girl came over to the motel. She brought me lunch and offered to give me money, which I declined. She was so concerned, but still felt she must tell me things…
Mel was cheating, well not cheating, but was seeing another girl, often.
Mel had been planning this move since January when I was in the hospital.
Mel’s sister, Candee had come up to the floor and the staff was put off, but were at least cordial to her. But one of the nurses asked her to not put them in that position again.
Dianne will be dead within a year.
Mel had told several people I had heart problems and was going to die soon. And she said it as if it were the reason she ended it all.
The last one really upset this girl because she couldn’t understand why Mel would do such a thing to someone with extreme health problems
It seems Mel had compartmentalized her private life over the last couple years we were together. Facts are I will probably never know what or even why she did what she did, and I must accept that. She didn’t care about our life. The instances she denied were in direct parallel to the yarns she spun.
Ahh but what’s Fourteen years of bliss down the drain compared with the thrill of starting over with nothing and no one. Sometimes you have to accept that people lie. Sometimes you have to know things change, and life goes on.
Dianne will be dead within a year
Yes that is what Mel was telling everyone and anyone.
I had stopped taking the medications she had me on and physically started to feel better.
I lost a considerable amount of weight after stopping the thyroid pills. In one month I lost 90 pounds. So it seems I was given either the wrong medication or probably, didn’t need any at all.
I stopped taking the heart medicine as well.
but they were silent tears. Every song on the radio was a reminder so I reached over and turned it off. She in turn reached forward, and then I shot her a glare that caused her to pull back for the safety of all concerned.
When we arrived at the airport, Mel waited in line to make certain I actually had a ticket. Actually, what would she have done if it wasn’t there? Frankly I was surprised that she didn’t leave me there, but I am also as convinced she only stayed to see if in fact Jerry left me a ticket or that maybe I was making it all up. Why would I do such a thing?
I was a bit worried, but not much. Jerry wouldn’t let me down, however, I was afraid there would be other issues . The ticket was there and all that was left was to board the plane.
Mel reached for me and I slugged her arm away.
She left indignantly.
And so did I.
The plane ride was uneventful; I still had some Clonopin and took a handful so it would go faster. After all, it ws apparent nothing was going to kill me. Too bad they didn't put me on one of those flights in 2001. Everyone would have survived and perhaps only one tower would have fallen.
I arrived quite late, but Jerry was there waiting. Poor thing. I sobbed the whole way to his house, my new home. I am sure he regretted his decision. Men hate it when women cry. Gay men hate it worse.
And I cried every day after.
Not only did he have to contend with my incessant mourning of my relationship, but I had no access to a doctor for medication and I was going to be needing it soon.
The first night there I got up from my bed and collapsed. Maybe exhaustion, more so Meniers, as I stayed conscious. I screamed and both Jerry and Bobby came running. I broke my other shoulder.
So my first night and the second were in a hospital bed at Methodist.
Every month poor Jerry had to run me to doctors. My pain was bad, but withdrawal is worse. And every month I planned on sweating it out. Those nights and early mornings when my script had run out was hell as I watched the clock waiting for 8 am so I could get my meds.
I would lie there in his house in the bedroom community of Montrose. Some nights the windows were open and I could hear the rest of the world getting on with their lives as I sweat, puked and hallucinated. Watching both the clock and the shadows on the wall.
Jerry in his busy schedule put me first in everything. He would get up in the morning and take me to a new doctor, who would explain all the new laws in Texas. Governor Perry had gotten down hard on Doctors after a couple of soldiers overdosed and died. I guess he felt so powerful that he could stop this action. He took away rights to General Practice Primary care physicians. They could not write Class C narcotics.
I finally got in to see Dr. Alo. My original pain doctor from 8 years back who, so liberally, gave me all the narcotics Mel demanded. But he too had a change of practice. He no longer wrote those kinds of scripts, instead he chewed me out for still being on them. He reluctantly wrote out a prescription for one month. He was in an office shared by others and only practiced there a couple of days a month. Jerry didn’t like him and felt he was duplicitous.
Doctor after doctor, month after month. And every time Jerry came in and recorded the sessions. I would get called in and Jerry would automatically follow.
I called a Doctor friend of mine and Mel's, a doctor she worked with. He agreed to meet me after he finished surgery to give me a script. But he made it clear it was a onetime thing. He recommended I see a friend of his Ivan Spector. I tried to reach the guy – but that was next to impossible. No one would call me back.
After his initial shock at my condition and a few words that he had for Mel, he told me about the laws at length. How ridiculous they were because people who needed the medicine were being compromised by an unfair government threatening to shut them down. And such people were obtaining the drugs illegally without someone to supervise them and he felt that the drug only exasperated the deaths due to overdose. He said drug dealers were benefiting from the law.
My pain was even worse and the damned drugs did nothing.
After one such grueling month, and a long stay at the hospital with yet another break in my clavicle, I was taken, by ambulance, from one hospital to another to Vosswood, a physical rehab clinic where I stayed for a month. It was a wonderful break for Jerry.
But once I got out, and yes, the physical therapy worked, I was back on the same nasty track. And everyone concerned were getting angry from the lack of sleep and chaos. And still another trip to the hospital because I waited 4 days without medicine and had a seizure.
Beginning of Book
Yes, this is absolutely positively true. If you lived this wouldn't you write about it? Some of the names of characters in this blog are fictitious. This is an account of actual events. Some of the events have been compiled together for the flow of the story. Even when I read my own work, I wonder how it could be so. But if you study your own life and compartmentalize it into less than 200 pages, you would be surprised how interesting it really is!
TRUTH HAS WITNESSES (Dianne Lindsey) This material is the copyright Dianne Schuch Lindsey and cannot be duplicated in any fashion without the express permission of the Author. All rights reserved ©