Now the big question is: "What to write about?"
I have always been somewhat of an "automatic writer" whether it was with poetry or a short story or scattered nuggets of memoir. I am not necessarily proud of this though it comes naturally and it is nice to have something I love that is sort of effortless. That being said - it wasn't until I was in a Short Story writing class a few years ago when the teacher made some derogatory comment about automatic writing and everyone chuckled that "yeah, we are better than that" laugh of agreement, that I realized maybe there is something to actually crafting one's work. And to editing. I am lazy in this area - preferring to start something new rather than dredge through the words of yesterday. I think this is why I am more of a hobbyist than an actual "Writer" though the tiniest part inside of me that is all heart and soul says "hold on to the Writer in you girl- she dies...you die".
I used to HAVE to write - every day - every hour - notebook, scrap paper, bar room napkin - there was always a poem happening at any moment - I felt like I was living inside of poetry and the only way out to the real world was to write. And write. And write. Now, I have a husband and two little boys and a career and all this stuff that I have filled up the secret and sacred spaces of my beingness with and I am want to even find a pen most of the time - let alone and hour to write. Sadly, let alone even the once incurable need to write.
But write I must. If I don't, I risk fading away into the driver's seat of an SUV - trunk full of scooters and for sale signs and reusable plastic bags for shopping. I risk losing the only part of me that feels unique.
Now, I am just trying to figure out to write about. The unbridled, trucker-mouthed, one time whiskey swilling Bohemian poet in me, is bumping up against the more spiritually-grounded mother of two who has learned to enjoy yoga and green tea and even the ordinariness of a quiet day. What can I say knowing my kids may someday read it? Knowing what I now know - is it important to share little pieces of wisdom I have picked up along the way - or can I still dive headlong into my narcissistic babbling of sorts? Where is the middle road? And how do I - who has never been much of a moderate in any area, learn to walk it? Can I ride my skateboard or is that too poser-esque and I too old? Can I bring food or must one walk this road naked with a shaved head and empty arms? Where does on begin? Who can help?