Late last night, I had an epiphany. While many waste away their hours sleeping, I was hard at work creating some unheralded genius. This will, in very little time, make me millions of pounds. I will try to continue to be friendly with some of you, but when I am rich it will be hard to find the time to spend on others. I apologise if you are one of the worthless people I no longer choose to speak to.
I went fishing yesterday and, as per normal for Northern Ireland, the weather was changeable at best. So, to combat the inevitable rain and wind, I wore a wooly hat. The problem was, I had already brushed my hair (not true, well, not since 1993). What if I encountered a person whom I needed to remain groomed in front of? The hat had given me hat-hair!
This is a problem that has blighted the lives of many fashion conscious people. For years people have wanted to combine the stylish effect of wearing a hat, but also wished they could keep their locks unspoilt by unseemly hat hair. Upon my return home, I immediately began drawing up the solution to this terrible problem. Using my immense artistic skills, and my iPad, I have achieved the impossible. Wear a hat AND keep your barnet at the cutting edge of fashion.
Ladies and gentlemen of style, I have great pleasure in introducing my newest invention. "AIRhat".
See how the hat floats harmlessly above the hair, while giving the Impression of fully committed hat wearing? This will revolutionise the lives of many. Millions. No longer will you have to face being cold and naked of head or suffering embarrassing hat-hair.
I am looking for funding to enable production. About £100,000 should do. Does anyone have the address for Dragon's Den?