Never really believing that there can be bad sex, I was surprised to find that there is a "Bad Sex in Fiction Award", and that it is, indeed in its sexteenth year. The naked descriptions I'll leave to your own search of the links.
One highlight is that John Updike was given a lifetime achievement award, though he was not present to receive it.
OK - one quote from Rachel Johnson about winning the award this year. "It makes you even more self-conscious when you're lubricating your book with sex."
Now, remove the impressionable and excitable from the room, please.