Yesterday there was a competition on Twitter, under the hashtag #canadawrites. Although classed as being 'humble', what one was really supposed to do was tweet the most outrageous praise about oneself. For me, this was a piece o' cake. Believing that there is no love like self-love, I strode across the Twitterland of Canada. And came up a winner (of course).
Here is a selection of my self-aggrandising tweets.
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Pope Benedict XVI resigned to spend his remaining years deep in the study and contemplation of "The Elephant Talks To God".
I have accepted to be Mr. December in the Canada Nude Author Calendar, but that ribbon they want me to tie is way too small.
If genius is the fuel of life, I'm doing both 100 and will be doing so until 100.
"The Life of Pi" only has a tiger. I have an Elephant.
I know Oprah is trying to revive her career, but can't she just stop hounding me. Who needs her book club, anyway?
Of course "The Elephant Talks To God" is as big and as holy as the title implies. It is only the author who is humble.
"The Elephant Talks To God" is a book of short stories where you wish the stories were more numerous and not so short.
Of course "The Elephant Talks To God" is a work of fiction. My followers will have to accept it is in no way an autobiography.
I can understand *why* Canada wants to put "In Elephant And God We Trust" on the currency, but isn't it a tad 'American'?
I understand the Canadian government eventually wants to rename the North West Passage after me. For being so warm and open.
In "The Elephant Talks To God" I really get an earful.
#canadawrites of my genius and humility with talent that strives to match my own, whilst purchasing "The Elephant Talks To God".
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some people all of the time, but no one needs to be fooled about my genius.
Yes, "The Elephant Talks To God" is read from coast to coast to coast, and it is praised from every mountain and every valley.
Leonard Cohen read "The Elephant Talks To God", gave a weighty *sigh* (& a little bow) and then wrote "Hallelujah".
The Giller is a killer / and the GGs are an awful tease / but - yes - I will confess it / give me one of each / svp & please.
"What is truth?" My father Pilate asked the question. My brother Jesus gave the answer.