Our defenses reflect our wounds but no person can heal those wounds. They can give us love, innocently and sincerely, but if we're already convinced that people cannot be trusted - if that's the decision we've made - then our minds will construe whatever someone's behavior is, as evidence that our previously drawn conclusion was correct." - unknown
When hearts are broken in love and marriage, perspective and beliefs touching important issues about the opposite sex are affected.
Also, fear about the future, more than ever is activated. On this kind of heart, even the most sincere love will fail and I think that's why they always do. Statistics in America shows that within three years of divorce, many people marry the second time. 70% of those marriages end in divorce again. The statistics with unmarried couples is worse. Every minute millions venture into the dating scene but only few survive it without a crashed heart.
Nothing hinders the growth of love in our relationships and marriages than the fear that people cannot be trusted and using our experiences in the past to measure other people. Everyone is different and our experiences with one or two of a gender prototype should not be a yardstick to measure the people we have in our lives presently. Humans should be measured by the content of their character not by their gender. I am a male and proud to be one but I ain't like every other man because of certain decisions I made earlier in life. It will be unfair to compare me with other men who have abused the trust you bestowed on them. I also believe that there are countless others in both male and female clothing around us who, by discipline have become different but we have failed to notice them because we compare them with our ex.
I have in the cause of helping people with emotional crisis and making friends, heard words like
men cannot be trusted or women are sluts
men are jerks or woman are devils
men are proud and egoistic or women manipulate and are too demanding
all men are the same or all women are have a price
men think with their libidos or women have chicken brain etc
I agree that there are men and women on our streets and even in our beds right now who fit this description. But I also think these pictures dwell more in the minds than they do in the real world. It is these picture in our minds that translate into reality or even attract such people to us. Hence, men are this and women are that because we THINK they are. The hard truth is that things gravitate towards us according to our dominant thought. We have to take control of our lives and not leave it at the mercies of those who hurt us. And one of the ways to begin healing
DON'T GENERALIZE: Do not use your experiences to measure the totality of a gender. Don't generalize. Don't disqualify people before you know them. We have to learn to respect people as people and not as a gender. Kick fear and worry out of your soul. They grow up and choke even the noblest intentions. We are all different; yes we are. Accepting this fact gives us the grace to love not based on the past but in hope for a better tomorrow. This is the beginning of our salvation if we all nobly acknowledge that everyone is different. The love of our lives will meet us soon.