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Chris Rodell's Blog

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Nov.05.2013
(793 words) I know exactly how my conservative friends are feeling right now. They are outraged. They believe the president is an idiot. A stooge. An historic bungler. It was about 10 years ago when I was feeling the exact same way about another president. My blood boiled when I thought about all...
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Nov.04.2013
(803 words) I’m considering a drastic change in my morning routine. See, I usually get up at 6 a.m. and stumble to my office to spend the first couple of hours writing one of these blogs. I may soon put off any writing until 8 a.m. so I can stay home and watch “CBS This Morning.” Why risk train-...
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Nov.02.2013
(534 words) I suspect many prudent Americans today will instinctively change the batteries on the home smoke alarms, cued as we are to change them on the days we turn the clocks back.  I’m going to do them all one better. Yes, I’m going to have a family fire drill! The fire drill is an old...
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Oct.31.2013
(747 words) Halloween has come and gone, it was the best ever, and I think I owe it all to math. That’ll be a very confusing sentence to those of you familiar with the Roman calendar. For most of the country, Halloween is today. Not in the tiny one-stoplight borough where me and about 980 other...
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Oct.30.2013
One of these days, I swear, I’m going to do a readership survey to find out how readers feel about these lazy ass monthly twitter round-ups, but before I go to that trouble I think I’d better do a survey to find out if people respond to surveys. Oh, and you can follow my tweets at 8days2amish. I’m...
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Oct.29.2013
(704 words) I have a hard time believing Angela Merkel’s husband was even listening to what Angela Merkel had to say on the phone. It sounds like we’re devoting an awful lot of resources to spying on people who have very little to say. The NSA scandal widened yesterday when it was learned another...
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Oct.28.2013
(668 words) I wonder if God and the devil ever get together for cocktails or an afternoon of golf. They might be able to work some stuff out. And I wonder if the devil gets upset that no one feels the need to capitalize his name the way we always do with God’s when we’re referring to God, the...
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Oct.25.2013
(728 words) My 7th grade daughter has her first swim meet on Saturday and everyone knows what that means. By Sunday I’ll begin constructing an additional wing to our house we can use as her trophy room.  It’s my understanding we live in an age where kids her age are awarded trophies for...
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Oct.24.2013
(689 words) Crafty headline writers over the past few days have rejoiced over the timely opportunity to describe a new baldness cure as “hair raising.”  The news is that they were able to grow human hair on lab mice. And let’s take a moment to exalt that we live in a world so free of want,...
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Oct.23.2013
(1,001 words) Mine is the only blog in existence which gives explicit consumer-friendly warnings about whether you should begin to read it or not. Have you noticed it? It’s the little parenthetical number right at the very top of each new post. Today’s says “(1,001 words).” Confused about what it...
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Oct.22.2013
(703 words) I just spent the last three days wearing my favorite hooded sweatshirt. It’s gray with a stenciled “Rolling Rock” beer logo. I wish it had another logo because I’ve detested Rolling Rock beer ever since May 19, 2006, when Anheuser-Busch moved the brewing operations from Latrobe to New...
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Oct.17.2013
(845 words) Val and I went to see “Gravity” the other day and really loved it. It’s great. One quibble: for the sake of accuracy it ought to be called “Much Near-Zero Gravity Stuff Followed by a Whole Lot of Gravity Really Quick.” It’s awesome filmmaking and the best space movie I’ve ever seen....
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Oct.15.2013
(737 words) Me and the girls were coming home from seeing Pittsburgh’s giant rubber duckie when Nana told us the story of her migrating nipples. It was a very surreal day. I had trouble believing something that consequential could move around so easily. And I’m talking about her nipples, not the...
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Oct.14.2013
(722 words) You don’t hear the phrase “feelin’ groovy” much anymore and that’s a bit of a pity. I guess “groovy” got swamped by “cool,” and I’m hip with that, a declaration that allows me to span six decades of slang to describe the response informal folk give when anyone would ask, “Hey, how ya...
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Oct.10.2013
(897 words) I saw Tom Hanks was going to be on the effortlessly classy “CBS Sunday Morning” show and thought, as I always do, that Hanks should be verb. His name sounds like an incomplete sentence. Tom hanks what? “Yeah, me and my old lady had a bottle of wine and then went upstairs and hanked the...
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