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Chris Rodell's Blog

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Dr. Kimball
I hate to sound so cantankerous on a Monday but, consarnit, movies have been going down hill ever since 1993. This occurred to me during a recent visit to the magnificent Kinzua Dam in northwestern Pennsylvania.  A monumental dam like the Kinzua is one of man’s most impressive structures. As a boy...
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stink bugs
I can’t help but think right now some stink bug dad is telling his stink bug daughter she is beautiful and can grow up to be anything she wants to be. And it breaks my heart to know the stink bug daughter is wailing in despair, “But, dad, I’m a stink bug and a stink bug is all I’ll ever be!” It...
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Ferret Face
At Christmas, many newspapers are of the custom to re-publish verbatim the original Francis Pharcellus Church editorial, “Yes, Virginia, There is a Santa Claus,” from the New York Sun in 1897. I intend it to become my custom on this day to re-run verbatim my 2009 post celebrating the birthday of...
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The anti-shoe
It was a recklessly worded question, the kind that could have led to embarrassment in the golf club locker room crowded with naked men. “Hey, do you wear those ugly shoes to make your butt look pretty?” Someone half listening could have heard the question as: “Hey, those shoes really make your butt...
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Ike Godsey
Life is changing so rapidly I’m starting to feel melancholy about the loss of all I used to loathe. Take Blockbuster, which is now there for the taking. The company that once ran 6,500 retail stores in 17 countries filed for bankruptcy this week. And what was once a pivotal part of my life vanishes...
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He's No. 1 -- twice!
Sometimes the weight of pointlessly blogging to an indeterminate number of universally good-hearted and appealing readers becomes too great a burden to bear. I know, that’s like complaining of back pains from hoisting too many balloons. Alas, it is true. Topical, blog-worthy news stories are simply...
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I don’t know how the conversation about milk got started, but it sounded like it was being conducted in a cafeteria full of fourth graders. “I hate milk!” “Eww! My mommy made me drink it all the time. Never again!” But these weren’t 9 year olds. We were old men in an old man’s bar. Rather than...
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Sgt. Nicolas Angel
I invited 20 complete strangers into my home on Wednesday. Some are surly, some are stupid, and all of them stink. They will inhabit our home and insinuate themselves into our consciousness for the next three months. I’ll find out which ones are divorced, gay, have bowel problems and which ones are...
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Ines Sainz
I never hated women because they were beautiful. I used to try to sleep with them because they were beautiful. For years, it was my habit to approach beautiful women in dark bars and ask them straight-faced and in my most sincere voice, “Was it as difficult for you growing up beautiful . . . as it...
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Flight 93
I spent all Friday saving up tears. I went to Shanksville Saturday morning and knew I’d need all I could get. A history buff, to me it’s more poignant than even Gettysburg.  I read so many where-were-you-on-9/11stories over the weekend I thought I’d share mine. I was at the Barnes & Noble in...
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In honor of the great Arnold Palmer's birthday, I'm re-running the post I wrote about him last year on his 80th birthday. I realize I'm lapsing into a pattern of re-running posts but as I never take a blogging vacation I hope you readers will understand. If you don't be sure not to read September...
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Greedy bastard
Prediction: in five years someone is going to offer you a cushy seat to an NFL game for just $25 and you still won’t go. Neither will the diehards who paint their faces and torsos in team colors to depict their fanaticism. In five years, it will be impossible for the most powerful enterprise in all...
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Augustus McCrae
I realized I had a problem with excessive leisure when on Tuesday afternoons I’d start concluding all my e-mails with, “And have a great weekend!” Tuesday around 4 p.m. seemed to me to herald the start of the weekend. I guess it was because Tuesday mornings were really productive. Mondays were not...
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It says something about the state of the nation that more Americans are fearful of bedbugs than they are of Osama bin Laden. I’ll bet if given a choice the majority of adults would rather eliminate bedbugs than bin Laden. Not me. In my dreams, I’d like to see a group of our brave soldiers capture...
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mine vigil
When I heard the news of the trapped Chilean minors I, out of spiritual habit, said a prayer that heroes would save their lives. I can’t think of a worse slow death than being entombed alive. Now that euphoric videos of the 33 men have been released and the outlook for eventual rescue is positive,...
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