Chris Rodell
Satirist

Chris Rodell's Blog

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Apr.29.2013

Just another manic Monday: songs about days

(1,552 words) Rainy days and Mondays always get me thinking about “Rainy Days and Mondays” by The Carpenters. That sometimes lasts ‘til Tuesday when voices carry clear through Wednesday Morning 3 a.m. After that, I become a Thursday’s Child with Friday on my mind until it’s another Saturday...

Apr.25.2013

Give bomber a bored-to death sentence

(692 words) News reports say by now bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev has been interrogated about his motives, his influences, his background and his connections. I’m interested to learn if he’s been quizzed about his health insurance. Blue Cross? Highmark? Aetna? Rules are rules. You know there’s...

Apr.24.2013

17 topics, 1 post, zero money: Scattergun bloggin'

(972 words) I probably have about a dozen potential topics sprouting in today’s idea garden. That’d be a very fruitful day if writing even one blog earned me so much as a dime. It rarely does. So today I’m going to post a jiffy little round-up of ideas and move onto other projects that, I’m sure,...

Apr.22.2013

"Oh, Man(dy)!" My night in '81 with Manilow

(861 words) I once took a Mexican girl who barely spoke any English to see U2, an Irish band, in the Dixie town of Nashville. It was a diversity extravaganza. It was 1987. I remember meeting her at a party where the music was loud enough to mask our difficulties communicating. I remember doing a...

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Apr.19.2013

Blogger tastelessness? Not here

(603 words) Sometimes someone says something about something I’ve written that causes me to shelve my topical plans to address their comment. Happened again yesterday. So if you’re clicking in today to read if I’ll be in Pittsburgh tonight to attend the Barry Manilow concert and why that wouldn’t...

Apr.18.2013

That's MISTER Shrapnel to you!

(702 words) Shrapnel killed three people at the Boston Marathon. Shrapnel killed thousands in the Iraq War. Shrapnel’s been killing ‘em by the millions since clear back before the Civil War. That’s a lot of lethal mayhem for a guy who’s been dead since 1842. “Pleased to meet you! (who? who...

Apr.17.2013

"Use All The Crayons!" a modeled book

(607 words) There’s a fine line between earnest self-promotion and obnoxious hucksterism. I figure I cross it about once a week now. I think people understand. I’ve never had a more vested interest in anything succeeding like I do with “Use All The Crayons!” and won’t again until my kids are old...

Apr.16.2013

Boston: I read the news today, oh, boy

(652 words) Any time you hear of anyone dying suddenly, it should reinforce the need to always live suddenly. I’m not sure what tragedy inspired that line. I wrote it a few years ago after, I think, reading the singular obit of someone who died too young. I think it’s a profound line, for me...

Apr.15.2013

Tiger's drop & Jack's record

(764 words) This is the time of year when golf fans ask me if I want Tiger Woods to win five more majors to beat Jack Nicklaus’s record of 18. I do not. So do I want Nicklaus to remain golf’s all-time champion? Nope. What do I want? I want Arnold Palmer to win the next 12 majors to beat...

Apr.11.2013

Steve Martin & thoughts on becoming elderly 1st time dads

(816 words) It happened often enough that I still recall the punchline and the inevitable result. I’d be dating a girl and she’d ask hypothetically if I liked children. With enough ketchup, I’d say, I can eat anything. I thought it was funny and indicative of lively wit. The women, I guess, mostly...

Apr.09.2013

Straw Wars! Battling insidious waste at McDonald's

(780 words) I’ve tried to temper my criticism of the demographic after people who use straws said I hurt their feelings when I pointed out they really suck. It’s been my contention for years that the innocuous-looking straw is a pernicious waste and emblematic of our runaway pollution...

Apr.08.2013

Inmate No. J12360D1107 "Using All The Crayons!"

(855 words) The letter commenced with the kind of flattery with which I’m becoming accustomed and eventually led to two surprises. She’d checked my book out of the local library, said it was a delight and she just had to buy two signed copies -- one for her and her husband and one for a man...

Apr.05.2013

Regular bar patrons need personal seat licenses

(1,020 words) I’m hoping today’s Happy Hour will go better than last Friday’s and it will if Dave implements an idea I’ve been hounding him over for months. Yes, it’s time for The Pond to issue personal seat licenses so regulars can be assured of our favorite stools. I don’t bar hop. Never have. I...

Apr.04.2013

Latrobe businesses need clean pee!

(754 words) In my earnestness to always find common ground, I blurted out something stupid the other day when a casual acquaintance told me his plant was thriving. “Mine, too!” I gushed. “I water it, give it plenty of sunshine and talk out loud to it when its leaves look like they need...

Apr.03.2013

My tweets of the (last) month!

Just when I think the part of my brain that comes up with worthy Tweets is empty, I fire off a batch of gems that convinces me my @8Days2Amish followers are going to multiply like Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar with an hour to kill. Hasn’t happened yet. But I’m pleased when I can look back on the...