One word answers to many vexing questions
Sometimes the weight of pointlessly blogging to an indeterminate number of universally good-hearted and appealing readers becomes too great a burden to bear.
I know, that’s like complaining of back pains from hoisting too many balloons.
Alas, it is true.
Topical, blog-worthy news stories are simply crashing about us every moment of the 24-hour news cycle.
Should I write about politics? Pop culture? Religion? International intrigue?
Geez, that seems like a lot of work. Still, these issues must be addressed and in a timely manner.
So today I’m going to give my most thoughtful opinion on each of the main issues facing the country in a colossal opinion-fest not for the faint of heart.
And because that seems such a daunting feat of scattergun pop punditry, there’s only one way to tackle it: with one word answers.
What’s to be thought of a blogger who attempts something so bold?
Intrepid
Death penalty? Abolish
Don’t ask/Don’t tell? Repeal
Homosexuality? Whoop-de-doo
President Obama? Dogged
Congressional Democrats? Spineless
Congressional Republicans? Hapless
Sarah Palin? Electrifying
Christine O’Donnell? Moronic
My attempts to appear politically even-handed? Futile
Aging rocker Steven Tyler hosting American Idol? Disgraceful
Jon Stewart? Genius
Stephen Colbert? Ditto
Glenn Beck? Fad
Rush Limbaugh? Relapse
Best one-word title movie you’ve seen since “Jaws?” "Zombieland"
Super Bowl winner? Steelers
Stanley Cup winner? Penguins
My hometown Pittsburgh sports devotions? Transparent
How am I feeling today? Great!
Does God exist? Yes
Does He care? Sporadically
Favorite Three Dog Night song? One
How do you say “one” in Spanish? Uno
What should we do about global warming? Panic
What will you rely on to get through these tough times? Bourbon
What is all you need? Love!
Again? Love!!
Once more, with feeling? Love!!!
What band inspired those last three questions? Beatles
What percentage of your readers understands that last series of questions is drawn from the song, “All You Need is Love” and that their answers should be joyfully sung? Eight-five
Stones or Beatles? Stones
Mick or Keith? Keith
Ginger or Maryann? Wife
What are you planning on doing after finishing this little exercise? Post
Then? Tavern
How many of your readers do you think have stuck around this far? Bunches
Is this even working? Perhaps
What are you listening to while you’re typing this? Boss
Care to be more specific? Bruce
More? Springsteen
Which album? Greetings
What’s your favorite song from that album? Blinded
Chances we’ll see Mideast peace in your life time? Remote
Worth pursuing? Absolutely
What would you do if Iran develops a nuclear reactor? Bomb
Will it come to that? Nope
What should white people do about news that, unless trends reverse, they’re likely to be minorities in one generation? Copulate
What if that fails to prevent eventual minority status? Relax
Should they build that pseudo-mosque two blocks from Ground Zero? Yes
Even if makes Tea Party come unhinged? Especially
How can you support such an inflammatory position? Constitution
Do you care that Lindsay Lohan seems bent on self-annihilation? Some
If you were her judge, what sentence would you impose? Iowa
What’s your opinion on legalizing marijuana? Whoop-de-doo
What do you advise for people for whom partisan politics is an all-consuming pursuit? Marijuana
What do you call GOP men like Ken Mehlmen? He was the Bush 2004 campaign manager who used gay-bashing as a wedge issue, then in August announced -- ta! da! -- he is gay. Slomosexual
What are you looking forward to most as the weather turns colder? Soup
Does your new “stats” feature continue to show that, second to the USA, the majority of your readers come from Denmark? Yes
How do you feel about that? Fremragende!
You’ve now answered more than 50 questions about various issues, from the serious to the silly. Could you go on? Yes
Will you go on? No
What are your thoughts about this format? How would you characterize it -- and please be concise? Done
Keywords:
About Chris
I'm a Latrobe, Pa., writer who'll work for anyone who pays me. I've written for some of the best magazines in America and been rejected by the rest.
Connections
Causes Chris Rodell Supports
Democratic National Committee, UNICEF, Doctors without Borders, Sierra Club, Smile Train, Salvation Army
Chris is a fan of
Okay
Clever. The Boss? Yes. Summer Girls? Best. Sarah Palin? Panderer. Stop? Yes.
Fun,
Christine
What can I say, but . . .
Thanks
You are just too funny
Chris Rodell? Comedian!
Will he ever write a book in which he compiles his most popular blog posts? Maybe.
Please, please, please . . .
tell me you're friends with an influential publisher. I have it already and wrapped around what I think is a neat idea. "I call it "Use All The Crayons! The Poor Man's Guide to Colorful Living."
I take what I think are the best blog items and from them pull a one-line idea or anecdote. For example: "Get a $75 tattoo of a $17,500 Rolex for your left wrist." Then followed by a post on time. I've pitched it everywhere, get great feedback, but not enough to get it over the hump. Very frustrating.
I think all I lack is a bigger built-in audience. You can help on that count by referring people to my home site, www.EightDaysToAmish.com and signing up to be a follower. I don't know if that'll make a difference, but it can't hurt.
But comments like yours, Sharon, convince me on I'm the right track. I sure hope so. Thanks for the encouragement! Have a great weekend.
Chris
I've signed up to be a follower
oh, I wish I had the ear of an influential publisher! Ya know, if you blogged about building up a following, I can put a link to your blog in one of my blog posts. I could say something like "Not only is Chris Rodell a talented writer, but also he offers tips on how to build up a following on your blog. Check out Chris's advice at (blog's addy) and enjoy his irresistible humor." Right now, I'm trying to develop a blog where writers share tips on getting published. Here is the blog's addy if you're interested in writing that post (and giving me another site to blog about) http://writeahabdamnit.blogspot.com/
Let me see what I can come up with . . .
I don't usually do well writing a blog post on suggestions. It usually comes out too forced. But let me see if I have something along those lines I can tailor to your interests. I'll let you know. Thanks!
Chris
I know what you mean
It feels like you're faking it if you aren't writing from the gut. Instinct tells you when you hit it, but when you're faking it, you have to feel around in the dark.
Hopefully, this makes sense. Whenever I come down with a cold, I get a little wacky.
Right on the money
That's exactly the way it feels, Sharon. I have well meaning friends in the pr business that have good arguments about why I should write about some artist, restaurant or something. I tell them I'll try, but it never works out and I never write a thing.
I won't even do that any more.
But I do think I have one I can tailor for you without much trouble. I'll dig into it tomorrow.
Chris
Thanks, Chris
no hurry on this, Chris. Go with the timing that you feel. The point of starting my blog is to share tips and tell people where they can find info that may help them in their writing journey -- to point them to others' blogs in which the writers share their experience. If the blogger isn't having any fun writing the blog because the timing isn't right or because there are more urgent matters, then the reader isn't going to have fun reading it.
ON THE OTHER HAND, thank you and I look forward to blogging about your post and putting the post addy in my link list.
from the sidelines...
Having made an early, albeit tongue-in-cheek comment on this post, I have been reading your back-and-forth about motivation and inspiration. In response, I started thinking about the continuing ebb and flow of ideas as well as the rise and fall of interest in projects I start. Finishing is pure hell sometimes, and I have yet to understand this. I think it may stem from doing this in a solitary setting where one's self-doubts begin to overtake the basic inspiration to write about a subject. When I went to a writing retreat for five days in July, I was all charged up during and for a while afterward, but the charge has gradually waned and fizzled, sparking at times since then.
Sounds like you may understand the feeling. Thanks for letting me chime in.
Cheers,
Christine
Common
I'll bet there isn't a writer worth reading on RedRoom that doesn't feel that way. One of the things I stress to my students whenever I get the chance to teach is the necessity of writing fast.
You can change badly written prose into something splendid. But you can't change an empty screen. The key, even when you don't feel like it, is to get something down and let it stew. Then you have the phrasing in your head and can decide what works and what doesn't.
But doing nothing can paralyze. It is frightening. You just have to make the leap off the ledge and into the pool. Then you can just start swimming.
Now I hadn't thought about it that way...
I usually draw a line through the work, and change the wording to add greater detail (not that the prose is any less bad. It just makes me feel I have made progress on the work)
Christine, I have had the same problem. Some work has sat on my work station for weeks before I looked at it again.
control issues
Nice! Yes, it is crucial to get good at writing quickly, Chris, keeping ahead of the control freak who emerges later and wants every word to be perfect. You and Sharon both have made really good sense here. I'm not discouraged so much as tripped up frequently, feeling like I need to work to keep balance and interest in my own characters or ideas going, keep that momentum moving.
Thanks again for the dialogue here. Cool.
Christine