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Gratitude Ramble

I am a natural worry wart.  My anxiety is high lately.  In the morning I try to read my French budhism and than my dog-earred English version.  If my mind is still stuck in high speed my next coping skills are doing routine tasks. When I worked in the ER there was this lovely Psychiatrist with all this golden hair who used to tell the patients when finding themselves at loss of what to do next to clean their toilet and bathroom every Sunday afternoon.  I had visions of mentally ill people with shiney bathrooms.  In fact I tried it and found a certain spirituality in it myself on a few occassions.   I am very nervous lately so another coping skill is to embark on thinking of things that I am grateful.  First I am grateful that I am able to cope and my first reaction is 'not' to take a valium and go for a porno magazine or some other hard diversion tactic, like I have seen some do.  My version of this is tea and tarrot.  It used to be cigarettes and coffee, which I don't really miss as much as one might think, as now I have a kid and for the first time am concerned about my mortality. Although I still drink coffee just not like I used to.

Grateful that I and my family are in fairly good health.  Grateful that my husband is helpful with our son.  Heartbreakingly helpful. Although my house is not perfect it is comfortable and big enough for our small family.  We have all that basic needs stuff.  That we watched "Boston Justice" last night and laughed really hard it was so twisted.  Really cheered me and my husband up to see such pathology made gleeful.  Especially enjoyed Candice Bergman in her fifties looking so attractive.   This one character who had had a secret life before becoming a lawyer started being upfront about her past.  She announced she was an ex-madam for an elite escort service who was politically connected in England and  therefore was not prosecuted when caught and instead was sent to the USA under an assumed name and now was telling the truth to everyone and using her English accent and not her feigned American accent and she was also under a fatwah by her former boyfriend.  So, I am grateful for "Boston Justice".

Next, I am greatful for French secularism and no handguns.  Although I miss the USA terribly sometimes, especially Walmart at 3AM and the better economy.  I am grateful that Oprah found a mystery half sister and seems to have accepted her.  My impression of Patricia is that she seems like a level headed person, not a freak or anything.  I thought it was sweet how Oprah seemed to embrace her.  I googled Oprah and hadn't really read about her life much before and found her family a little complicated.  Apparently Oprah's mother Venita had four children by three or four different men. First Oprah and than another daughter named Patricia who later became a drug addict, died of this, and revealed about Oprah's as a 14 year old had a baby that died to the tabloids causing a lot of soul searching and a rift in the relationship.  A half brother who died of AIDS and than this half sister strangely also named Patricia who had been given for adoption when Oprah was nine years old and had been sent to live with her identified father although this is unclear.  So, although totally not high-brow, I am grateful Oprah found her half sister and she seems nice.  

That I am in slightly better communication with both of my parents and think that nothing but good will come of it.  Also that I am walking again and on the Weight Watchers plan.  Gosh these things all sound so trite.  At this momment I would like to imagine what Obama is grateful for or what perhaps Paris Hilton is grateful for?  I guess I am grateful that I am suffering no major catastrophe for this momment in time.   I am grateful that my hair is growing out to shoulder length as now that I am in menapause it grows so slow it has taken two years that used to take six months to grow.  I am grateful that I am working on my novel two pages of revisions a day which I want to get through this novel by this summer.  I appreciated the comments in an article on Tom Robbins I read, who said, if you are not compelled to write, driven to write, love to write, than don't bother doing it, there are lot easier and more lucrative things to do. 

I am grateful that I am compelled to write, driven to write and love to write.  I am grateful that I am a writer.


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Nothing like a good ramble to clear the heart, eh?


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hi back

I was worried about something. That doctor I mentioned sadly died of leukemia that struck with a headache on a Friday went into a coma within an hour and she was dead from a brain bleed by the next day. It was a huge tragedy because we really loved her. She also used to say if you want to be normal do normal things. Drink coffee, do the dishes, call your girlfriends. I wanted to tell that clean your toilet story at her funeral but I was to embarrassed as she was really wealthy and it was at the biggest most impressive presbyterian church in our town and i just couldnt make myself stand up and say how she would tell the patients to clean their toilets when feeling down in the philosophy of if you want to feel normal do normal things. anyhoo, thanx for reading, i will try and not be so short like i can be sometimes. the thinking part being an entp.

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eight hours in the future usa-paris time

also keep in mind the times are set to california time and i am in paris so i am eight hours ahead and so the time is deceptive, just add eight when its me writing.