Amazon recently notified me of a new function rating me and my books according to sales.
It turns out that my author rank hovers around the 300,000 mark overall, 100,000 in Literature & Fiction, 70,000 in Health, Fitness & Dieting, which I would guess covers the walking guides, and 60,000 in Kindle Fiction. I was quite chuffed by this until I noticed that my individual book rankings range from a half to seven million. Just to clarify, we’re not talking books sold here, but the number of writers who sell more than me.
Coincidentally, an idle moment playing around with an anagram generator suggested that ‘Charles Davis’ might be better known as ‘Cash Sad Livre’ or ‘Rev A Cash Slid’. Clearly, the people at Amazon are onto something and that despite the fact that the anagram generator overlooked the possibility of ‘Cash as Drivel’.
Other apparently descriptive terms included ‘Avid Carl Hess’, ‘Crass Had Live’, ‘Ad Sac Shrivel’, ‘A Scald Shiver’, ‘Cave Hiss Lard’, and ‘Crash as Devil’. The most plausible names (respectively elevating me to the aristocracy, the police, and the clergy) were ‘Sir Dave Clash’, ‘S I S Dave Larch’, and the ‘Rev Laid Sachs’. There were some rather debonair offerings, too, like ‘Scala Dervish’, ‘Sacred Lavish’, and ‘Visceral Dash’. But for the most part, the implications were worrying.
Among the more distressing anagrammatic makeovers in view of the images they conjured were ‘Rev A Ass Child’, ‘A S Shiv Cradle’, ‘Crave Slid Ash’, ‘Carl She Davis’, and ‘D I S Crave Lash’. Happily, the machine also missed ‘Vile Chardass’, but otherwise it wasn’t behind hand with its arses, and the anagram that really took my fancy was ‘Hard Ass Clive’.
Hard Ass Clive! Now that’s a name to conjure with.
Who says I’m a non-selling waste of space? You looking at my bird . . . sorry, my book?
Call me Mister Clive.
In honour of this new, self-affirmative moniker, I just checked out how many different books there are: 129 million according to Google. So this is one tough cookie who isn’t doing so badly after all.
Causes Charles Davis Supports
Oxfam, Amnesty International, Greenpeace