where the writers are
Just Post It

Writing a book is one thing. That only takes a few years of dreaming, scribbling, typing, banging your head on the desk and waking up in the middle of the night with the most original idea ever, only to discover in the morning that your bedside notebook is scrawled with stuff like “elephant – maggots – how many?”

Making it fit for anyone to read is quite another thing – more months of editing, editing again, polishing, re-editing, re-polishing. Maybe even giving the manuscript to a friend for their opinion, only to have them say ten weeks later, “Sorry, I've been, like, really busy. I'll read it soon, promise.”
But then comes the difficult bit. If you want your book published (though there's certainly no law forcing you to want that) you have to pluck up the courage to submit it somewhere. OK, so you could spend the rest of your life shifting commas about because you're scared of rejection – that's no skin off anyone else's nose – but if you want to see it in print, you have to send it out.
So... let's say you've written a book, agonised over the synopsis, constructed an elegant covering letter, formatted your first three chapters to perfection and printed them off, because lots of agents still don't take email submissions. Next comes the most important part of the process:

  • Go to your office stationery cupboard when no one is looking and select two good-quality envelopes.
  • Print one of them as an S.A.E. or, better still, write it out with a lucky pen.
  • To be on the safe side, consult a graphology website and ensure your handwriting makes you look artistic, intelligent, a delight to work with, and not insane.
  • Address the other envelope, put your submission into it and seal it up.
  • Unseal it to make sure the S.A.E. is definitely there.
  • Stick it back down with a piece of sellotape, because the glue now doesn't work.
  • Oh, God, what if the agent really hates sellotape? Check their website in case they mention it.
  • Affix postage, go to the postbox and nervously walk up and down for a while, worrying whether you have put the synopsis in the right place. You put it after the letter and before the sample chapters. But what if it should have gone at the end?
  • Approach the postbox. Discover that it was designed before the advent of A4, so you have to bend your pristine envelope in half.
  • Oh God, what if the agent really hates creased envelopes? What if she sees the creases and just slings it straight in the bin?
  • Gormlessly stand there for a while with your hand halfway into the postbox.
  • Will yourself to let go. Think: Just post it. Drop. The. Envelope. Go on, just drop it. Seriously. Drop it. No, seriously. Arrgh! Just POST IT! Just let go! NOW!
  • Wait! The S.A.E. is definitely in there, isn't it?
  • Of course it is. You checked.
  • But what if, when you checked, you actually took it out and forgot to put it back in?
  • FOR GOD'S SAKE, JUST POST IT!
  • Someone behind you coughs impatiently, so let go and listen to the envelope flopping into the darkness, beyond your control. Go pale as you have a sudden flashback to proofreading the submission letter.
  • Rush back to your computer and open up the file. See that it begins “Der Ms Bloggs.”
  • Go very red and start to weep.
  • Correct it and send to the next agent. And the next, and the next, while writing another book.

And if you really, really want to be published, keep sending until you get an acceptance or you die. Whichever comes first.

Originally posted on Strictly Writing - http://strictlywriting.blogspot.com/2009/04/just-post-it.html

Comments
10 Comment count
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Apt and Meaningful ...

Dear Caroline:

You've written a really apt and meaningful piece here. I especially appreciate the following touching, striking and funny lines:

"And if you really, really want to be published, keep sending until you get an acceptance or you die. Whichever comes first."

That's what I am presently doing with my new, finished book titled: American Galaxy: http://www.redroom.com/blog/ugonna/american-galaxy

Thanks a million for caring to share these resourceful thoughts with us in the Red Room. Have a wonderful and refreshing day. And GOD bless you abundantly with wisdom and good health this 2009 and always. Cheers!

With very good wishes:

Ugonna
http://uwachuku.googlepages.com

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Thank you, Ugonna! I'm

Thank you, Ugonna! I'm really pleased you liked my post, and I wish you all the best with your submissions of American Galaxy.

Caroline

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I just fell in love with

I just fell in love with you! :D This is a lovely post.. Thank you, Caroline.

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Reading your post feels like

Reading your post feels like I'm looking into a mirror. I hope I can use your words as incentive... Excellent piece of writing, and I sincerely thank you for sharing.

Rob...

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You're absolutely right

One knows mentally what has to be done, yet taking the actual steps can be like round after round of false labor until finally at some point the pain gives way to a birth. Thanks for the great post.

Aberjhani
author of The American Poet Who Went Home Again
and Encyclopedia of the Harlem Renaissance (Facts on File)

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Great post

Thanks for sharing, Caroline. I'd bet most of us have made ourselves equally crazy over this process of getting published.

Kris

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Thanks for your kind

Thanks for your kind comments, everyone!

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Whichever comes first

Funny post! Thanks. Part of life is about making choices, and when that gets interrupted freedom gets delayed.

Ben Campbell
www.lulu.com/bencampbell

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Just Post It!

It's so funny because it's so true.

I also use a lot of "post it" notes and notes to myself on recycled paper.

Maybe once a year when I clean my desktops (electronic and real), I find I did do a lot of the things I planned to do.

Of course a lot will be left undone when I die.

Kyi May