The greatest honor in my life is being a grandmother. i wish I could say it was being a mother, but I took that on very young, too young to be a mom and I didn't handle it well. I was ready to be a grandmother, and I have handled it well.
Being a grandmother is like enjoying the desert of life. After the meat and potatoes of being a mother and supporting 3 kids alone, I got to have grandchildren, and I get to enjoy it. I love being a grandmother. There is nothing like holding the child of my child in my arms. Knowing, as I do at this time of my life, that they don't stay little long. All too soon it's over. And what do I have left? An adult that I can love even more than I did the child, the baby.
My first grandchild was born when I was 39, at the time in my life when I was growing up and my eyes were beginning to open, slowly, but open none the less. Maybe because he was born at that time, maybe because I was born at that time, or so it seems, but I can't remember a time when he wasn't in my life.
When his mother, my first born child, was pregnant with him I used to look at her and try to imagine what her baby would look like. And all I could imagine was a sweet little girl baby that looked just like she did when she was a tiny baby. She was so beautiful. I wasn't awake yet, and she was only a baby for such a short time. It was as if I wanted her back. I did want her back. I wanted to hold her as an infant one more time. I wanted a red haired chubby cheeked beauty just like she was.
The day Ryon was born I was tiredly driving home to Napa from Sonoma and I was thinking about this little tiny strawberry blonde beautiful boy and how perfect he was, when I rememberd thinking that I had wanted a little girl that looked just like Kim had looked, when I realized that what i really wanted all along was "him". He's exactly what and who I wanted and spirit had known that all along.
Yesterday morning I had coffee with Ryon as we do almost weekly. Ryon's 26th birthday was last week. He's a grown up man. Strong, responsible, capable, creative, gutsy, and so intelligent. I watched him as he shared with me the agony of the break up of his most recent relationship, and I felt those pangs yet again of loving this child of my heart that has always been in my life and in my soul. Gratitude overwhelmed me and my heart was opened, wide, yet again. I can't believe this perfect human being loves me as much as I do him. I'm very blessed.