I am slow to evolve‚ although I consider myself progressive. Tooling through the Northern Nevada desert, I am riding an anxiety highway that ebbs and pulls off like the tide.
Two weeks ago I worked an entire day at a job I love (loved?); at 4pm, I was fired. Sure people lose jobs all of the time and are presented a much more dire situation than I was facing. But I loved my job, and being asked to leave it (with no explanation or admonition, mind) was a total blow to my sense of equilibrim and understnding of fate.
Three days later I had a new, possibly more promising, job - it's simply a job, not a passion, and I think that is all my heart can accept for now.
what made a job a passion for me? How can I recreate this in the future? This is the darkness in my soul, that breaks like clouds and then condenses again.
what made my former job so fulfilling was that I spent every day helping others who needed help. There was no other intention I had each day that I walked into my office.
So, as I move closer to tomorrow and the start of a new direction for my energy, I wonder what my purpose will be. I have to tell myself that the meaning is bigger than me. To calm my bubbling nerves I have to believe that I am going whwer I am destined to travel. And I will do what I am meant to do, whether I understand it or not.