Sometimes I like to sit down with no thoughts in my head, no feelings in my heart and just see what comes out.
This is one of those times.
Where as my life was mostly repetitious a month ago, these days its nearly spontaneous. This is quite a departure from the way I normally like things. I like routine. I like simple lazy days full of hobbies. I like hanging out with my wife and kids. I like stomping through Joseph D. Grant Park looking for frogs. These are things I do regularly.
I was used to my office, my refrigerator full of juice and peanut butter. Things were simple and predictable.
I liked getting to work at 8:00 and leaving at 5:00. I liked designing things, making them work and then watching them function inside a cell phone camera.
I had my dreams, my desires, and I felt I worked toward them. But I realized after I got laid off that even though I had desires and dreams, I really wasn't working toward them. I guess I knew that all along, but because I saw no way to manifest the fruits of those desires I just kept desiring and waiting. I'm a pretty patient dude when I'm not aroused.
A few weeks before I got laid off, a friend and former co-worker invited me for lunch and told me about a startup he was working at. He was honest and said, "we're only funded through the end of the year but we expect our 1-B financing to come through, all we have to do is meet our own goals."
At the time I thought, "this could be fun, but I have a family and we're in an economic spiral like nothing the world has ever seen, I better stick with the safe job."
Turns out, it wasn't so safe after all.
I told him I wasn't interested and I told him why, he said, "well if you get laid off you know where to find me."
Sometimes, when someone says something a little light bulb goes off in the back of your mind. Such was this occurrence. It was a very odd thing to say, one that peaked my paranoia a touch, but knowing him the way I know him, paranoia be damned.
I was laid off about three weeks later. I still resisted the startup. My severance package was good. I qualified for unemployment, we could go for perhaps four to six months without me working. I thought it was a good opportunity to write and search other avenues of study. (I want to learn Blender -- A 3D graphics program for Linux).
Some dear friends of mine, who seem to know me better than I know myself said, "you should see about starting your own business."
Krista and I took that to heart and started brainstorming. We came up with several good ideas.
My friend at the startup called and said, "Want to come here! We'd love to have you!"
I still said, "No," because I had made my mind up to become self employed.
But then Krista was inspired, "You should take this job. They really need you and its work through the end of the year at least. Who knows perhaps it will do well."
I liked the idea of goofing off (um, learning new skills) for a few months. It felt like a well deserved vacation.
We talked to our wise friends and they told us that if its possible to have a job during the downturn, we should and since the downturn will likely end in the first quarter of 2010, being employed through the worst of it would be really good.
So I changed my mind. I went in for an interview and a little over two weeks after I got laid off, I was employed again.
I'm really lucky, don't you think? Turning down an opportunity wice and still getting to take it?
As I was saying in the beginning: now everything feels like random chance. There is no norm. There is no ordinary. I feel like I'm a surfer who's climbed onto his board for the first time and found himself on a killer ten foot swell headed out to sea. Everything feels like it's choreographed, like everything is happening to some great plan. I'm simply along for the ride and as long as I keep my balance up here on this board, I'm in for the ride of my life.
Sometimes the only thing you can say is:
Causes Brian McKee Supports
I support the cause of peace via peaceful means.