Here I sit on Christmas Eve 2009 - alone for the 15th year in a row - oh don't be sad for me....I'm not sad. This is the best time for me to sit and reflect back on the past year and see what went wrong and what went right. Actually this year I have to admit that more went right than wrong and I can't really remember when that ever happened before (or at least not in the past 15 years anyway).
I discovered I still have the capability to have a crush on a man...and to be crushed by a man -- somethings don't change with age --- that is sad. Perhaps one of these days I'll get that one right.
I discovered that I raised three amazingly wonderful children - even though they still need their mother - and my mother seems to think I still do too much for them. Again, some things don't change with age - I still can't please my mother - that also is sad.
I discovered that my best friend is not really who I thought she was and she no longer wants to have anything to do with me - and will not explain herself - that too is sad.
I discovered that my dog truly is my best friend and I no longer have to make excuses for taking her with me, sharing my bed with her, or telling her all my secrets - that is NOT sad.
I discovered that I can move out of a big house into a small house and be perfectly happy. I can move into a town where I know no one, don't have a clue where the grocery store, post office, bank or auto repair shop is and I can manage very well, thank you very much!
I discovered that putting out the 4th novel is much easier than putting out the 1st, 2nd, or 3rd.
But I think the best lesson I learned for myself this year is the same lesson I have been teaching my children for the past twenty one years: and that is that in the end everything really will work itself out, and that money cannot buy happiness, or serenity and that is something you have to find for yourself. So maybe it took me fifty years to find it - maybe the next fifty years will be a little bit easier. But if they're not, that's okay. I can handle it!
Causes Brenda Youngerman Supports
House of Ruth
Missionaries of Charity