Finally another chapter edited for a rather old, previously published manuscript (hoping to see it re-published).
Besides the clunky dialogue which dominated the original version of this three-person chapter, I had to change the tone. And that affected what the actors said – and how they said it. Also, contemporary language – slang – has changed ever so slightly in the decade and a half since this novel was written, and that had its effect on the dialogue changes as well.
The object here was to portray Pat, the older brother, as mildly drunk, preoccupied with his own thoughts, and not completely able to argue his case to wife Von and brother Jason. As such, readers should hopefully note the brothers’ alternating defensive postures, with Von sufficiently fed up with their conflict at the end to allow anger and frustration to overcome grief at the daughter’s death.
A significant edit follows this at: http://southpawrite.typepad.com/typescript/. Any comments from the writers or readers out there?
Causes Bob Mustin Supports
Native American culture. Education. Creative writing.