Please Lorne Michaels, give George W. Bush a job on SNL before he does something! You owe the man!
George W. Bush is finally going to be out of a job soon. He will return to his estate in Crawford Texas but may actually grow tired of clearing away brush when there aren’t so many TV cameras around to capture his attempt at regular guy charm. And besides, even for W, clearing away brush can get mighty dull. It’s not nearly as much fun as launching wars and screwing the middle class the way that he’s been doing for the last 7+ years.
So this begs the question: what to do with W? I don’t really see him making like Jimmy Carter and starting an organization that helps poor people like Habitat for Humanity. Something akin to President Clinton’s Global Initiative also seems out of reach for W. According to the Clinton Global Initiative’s website, its mission is to “devise and implement innovative solutions to some of the world’s most pressing challenges.” That just doesn’t sound like something W would be good at. Now, the George W. Bush Pouring Gasoline on the Already Raging Fire Initiative – that’s W. While Clinton is bringing together leaders and non-governmental organizations to SOLVE the world’s problems, Bush would be far more suited to bring leaders together to exacerbate them. If you’re looking for a summit that can innovate new methods of fan the flames of global terrorism, destroying major cities due to neglect and collapse economies of global scale then W is your man.
But still, what to do with W? Idle hands are the devil’s playground. Something must be done to keep Bush busy! That’s why I say that Lorne Michaels and NBC President Jeffrey Zucker give President George W. Bush a spot on the cast of Saturday Night Live. YOU OWE HIM! You know you do. Bush’s becoming president saved SNL from sure extinction. If that pesky will of the people had been obeyed and Al Gore was our 43rd president, SNL would have gone off the air soon after. The show could have only gone so far with Gore is fat/Gore sleeps in trees/Gore hugs polar bear jokes. By early 2002, NBC would have been forced to pull the plug on its long running comedy show. Bush’s mangling of the English language both kept SNL on the air and launched the career of Will Farrell. Without the ascendency of W, we might not even have Talladega Nights to enjoy over and over again on Cinemax, let alone Elf (and Christmas season is just around the corner).
Just let George handle weekend update. You don’t even have to write a script for him. He’s a “from the gut” kind of guy. All you have to do is give him some general topics, send him out there to wing it and let the hilarity ensue just like it has for the last eight years. Please, Messrs Michaels and Zucker, give George W. Bush a job before he runs for mayor or starts a mega church or something. It’s your duty to humanity.