The bigfoot revealed at a packed Palo Alto press conference last Friday (left) is every bit as realistic as Macho and Sassy Sasquatcho of Incredibly Strange Wrestling (right).
I wrestled Bigfoot. I wrestled him three times. All I have to say is that the Sasquatch that was revealed at a packed press conference in Palo Alto last week is every bit as realistic as the one that I battled back in 1997 with Incredibly Strange Wrestling! Just throw some pig guts on Macho or Sassy Sasquatcho and you've got all the evidence you need that some kind of missing link walks the forests of this great nation of ours.
We found Macho Sasquatcho rooting through the trash in Portland Oregon and put him into the ring to face me, Count Dante -- the Deadliest Man Alive. I fought him again the next night in Eugene. I put him out with a sleeper hold. Although Macho Sasquatcho was much more powerful than any mere human, being so new to the grappling game, I was able to out wrestle him with my superior knowledge of submission skills.
I wrestled him again in San Francisco at the end of 1997 and our proto-hominid was so stirringly realistic that a drug addled hippy got into the ring to save the sasquatch from a dastardly double team attempt by me and a chair wielding Dennis Erectus. The poor environmental activist ended up having a mudhole stomped in his ass by U.S. Steele and Doctor Loco. Through the modern day magic of Youtube, here is photographic proof of the existence and wrestling career of Bigfoot that is just as compelling as anything discovered in Georgia (if you're reading this on Redroom or Amazon, click here to view).
Now, I do have one problem with last week's Sasquatch discovery: what's up with Bigfoot being found in Georgia!?! The Sasquatch that I fought was found in the Pacific Northwest. Macho Sasquatcho was a real Northwestern Bigfoot -- not some inferior cracker swamp ape being passed off as our beloved missing link!
Macho Sasquatcho later became ISW's champion and occasionally teamed up with his wife, Sassy Sasquatcho. All of my real-life encounters with ISW's punchin' primate are chronicled in Beer, Blood and Cornmeal, including the time that I was dumb enough to move in with him. The Sasquatch even appears on the book's cover giving further proof that Bigfoot was discovered by a San Francisco punk wrestling troupe long before last week's ballyhooed business in Palo Alto.