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Bill Schmalfeldt's Writings

View Bill’s Books | Read Bill’s other writings below.

Short Story
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Aug.15.2008
Unpublished Play
ACT I  SCENE 7 SETTING:   The Pope's Chamber at the Vatican. AT RISE:   The new Pope, the former Cardinal Lukash, is admiring himself in the mirror. LUKASH (Singing, imitating ZZ Top) ...Cuz every girl's crazy 'bout a sharp-dressed pope! (He adjusts the hat) Now THAT'S one HELL of a HAT!  It just SCREAMS, "Outta the way!  Here comes 'da POPE!" (He's...
Short Story
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Aug.15.2008
Unpublished Manuscript
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 5 He was dimly aware that he was the only person in the room who wasn't outwardly elated by the news that just flashed over the television screen. Well, that wasn't quite accurate.  (And he believed that it was always best to be accurate whenever one could.)  The guy on the TV screen didn't seem particularly elated either, he noted.  But then...
Poem
Billy Big Rig
Jul.30.2008
Any agents out there? Hello?
(This is a sample chapter from the "true" story of Billy Big Rig -- an alcoholic truck driver who saved America while trucking towels for the Taliban) Today’s yer lucky day. You has just logged on to read a book written by one of the greatest men ever to draw a free, honest breath of American air. That would be me. Billy Big Rig — the most famous man...
Poem
Deep Brain Diary
Jul.30.2008
(This is a sample chapter of a work in progress in which I document my experience in a clinical trial, looking for new and better  treatments for people suffering from Parkinson's Disease.) JUNE 7, 2007 One down, two to go.  My head hurts.  I look like the Peter Boyle character in “Young Frankenstein” – but not nearly so dapper or charming.  It hurts to raise...