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Beth Mann's Blog

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Jun.28.2009
My friend Beth crying Daily Bullshit Tears combined with Tears of Elation after finding out she wouldn't be held entirely responsible for her recently deceased husband's tens of thousands of dollars worth of hospital bills. Have you cried today? This week? This lifetime? Crying is our internal...
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May.31.2009
The Brothers are a rag tag crew of 3 young guys at the end of the street that have adopted me into their family. While I’m grateful to get a sense of what real brothers feel like, they often try my patience with their sheer idiocy…I mean, youthful ramblings. A “hot topic” that is sure to incite an...
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May.31.2009
Perhaps you will recall this photo. It's from a post a few weeks ago, entitled "I Miss Shoplifting": This playful photo almost lead to my arrest. The threat of arrest is good fun, akin to swallowing a handful of straight pins. I suggest being surrounded by angry policemen at least once in...
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May.07.2009
Even though I have a mild crush on the cop up the street, I know it can never be. First off, he reminds me of Father Karras from The Exorcist and I refuse to pursue someone based on my love of a possessed priest in one of my favorite movies. Secondly, no matter how “chummy” (as my Mom would say)...
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Apr.02.2009
You hear them everyday. And perhaps you utter a few yourself. But they're annoying and need to be stopped. This is a campaign. Climb on board or be left to the sharks. Thanks to the well-paid staff at Silly Lists of Nothingness for their contributions (Ruby, Joe, Anthony, Andy and Laura) And as a...
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Apr.02.2009
  A Contemporary Cautionary Tale(All the names in this story have been changed to protect my sorry ass.)   So I’m in the midst of April 1, 2009, multi-tasking at my desk like a mad woman, my laptop flaming hot under my wrists, responding to emails, writing content for a bunch of sites...
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Mar.01.2009
Here’s the long-awaited (by whom?) and much anticipated (oh really?) list of the most overrated sex acts of all time. You know, ideas that really seemed good at the time. Thanks to our fine group of contributors and their astute commentary. 1. Sex on the Beach “It works in the movie but in real...
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Feb.07.2009
You’re arguing with one of your closest friends and you never argue. After 15 years of friendship, you rarely even debate. But there you are, several years ago, on an icy night in Brooklyn, at the doorway of her apartment building, yelling. You won’t remember about what. Perhaps she is starting...
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Jan.08.2009
I don’t have the movie star hots for Tom Cruise. I don’t even like him much as actor. He seems like a shiny little alien on Scientology overdrive. But while in a crowded line at the grocery store, I read about his controlling, obsessive behavior toward his wife Katie Holmes and I begin to wonder...
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Dec.30.2008
It's midwinter, you're at the desolate Jersey shore and you're quietly slipping into toothlessness. It all starts with a missed shower or two. Its just too cold to take off all those layers of clothes. Besides, you're not going to see anyone anyway. Then shaving your legs strikes you as just...
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Dec.30.2008
My friend Marianne invited me to her home for Cookie Day 2008. Sure, sure, I’ll go. Christmas cheer, whether I like it or not. Marianne was one of my sweetest classmates in high school. Always friendly, always trying, always smart, always pretty. But I was always partying, always cool, always...
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Dec.30.2008
I stood there, in full fighting stance, watching my brother intently. If he took one more step toward me, I’d hit him. After years of martial arts training, I had no intention of letting my 58-year old brother, who is my size, lay one bloody hand on me. Funny, the thoughts that run through your...
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Nov.29.2008
I need water around me at all times. Just another one of my “things.” So I have a Brita pitcher in my bedroom. Yesterday, upon depleting it, I brought it into the kitchen. When I opened the lid, there were about 200 ants crawling about, having a party. Some were dead, some were mating, some...
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Nov.29.2008
(This blog entry is meant to be read and heard. The blog entry and accompanying video is now in the "media" section of my profile.) http://blackholeswhitelines.blogspot.com/2008/11/ventura-highway-plays-in-my-head-when.html
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Nov.21.2008
I was thinking about that comeback over my stale granola this morning. Such a strange thing to say. "It's not all about you, you know!" An angry family member who shall remain nameless said that to me once when I refused a family gathering because my friend had recently died. I muttered...
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